Angels or Devils

change

2007-05-19T10:49:00.000+08:00

So long it'd been. Reluctantly logged in and racking my brains hard to write something. Or rather write like i used to write before.

Working makes you go lazy. Really. Sometimes i really wouldn't say that my life now is more stressful/hectic or crazier than my school life. I used to work till 1-2am midnight, even daylight to rush projects; tutorials, presentation preparations. Come to think of it, school life is kinda like 24/7 schooling, just that it's more flexible; no fixed 8-5 obligations, no waking up before 7, unless something calls for it. So really, working is just about the 8-5 obligations eh. OT occasionally to make up for the lazy day's work; to show that u're kinda hardworking, going through the extra mile; or maybe just for the sake for some extra income for shopping. I keep thinking, couldn't be that the hours are longer than school eh. At least i'm having so much more free time to myself on weekends nowadays.

Having said that still, I'm contradicting myself by allowing more laziness with the excuse that work is busy, it's a well deserved rest. hehe. Well, whatever. I should slack more now. Plan to take up a part time course soon, probably should start next year or so. Now, I don't care, seriously. It's TGIF at 5.30pm Friday; helluva fun on saturdays; groaning on Sunday evening and blues on Monday. I'm so typical.

Such a long time since i blogged; the feeling is kinda familiar. You know just like u haven't met your uni friends for such long time that when you met, words are stumped and the diplomatic exchange of statements on how your life had been is inevitable. So instead of blah-ing away on how each segment of my life has been (like my previous silly posts) since i last blogged; i'm gonna focus on changes that had been since then.

What has changed then? Subtlely, i guess, at each point in each day, but maybe gradually translating into some huge transformation, maybe.

work location has changed to Changi. No, i didn't change my job, but my company 'shift house', ok. No more waking up at 7.30, getting home by 6.30. Instead, it's 6.30; and 8 or 9, depending. Work only piles up, it never reduce, now i realised. This is the so-called 'job security'. Assuming more responsibilities, busier, slightly more stressed at some points, but having greater satisfaction too, knowing my plans ahead. Change is also, I think about work more often nowadays in my own leisure time. Sometimes i dream about it. Sometimes i get so frustrated and stressed that i bring the frustration home. Sometimes my temper got the better hold of me at work which i think I should not. So I shall control my emotions more. Bosses are acknowledging what i've been putting effort in and that's good; also bad because with more trust from them, I'm making more decisions, and there's a higher chance to fumble too if i'm not careful. So basically that's what i'm stressed about too. Tend to be more cautious at work. Understood office politics better too. Sometimes i tend to reflect upon myself and find myself getting a bit complacent on certain things; so this must change too. There was a point when i struggling within to lay my future career path. Now i guess this decision should be the best one for now given all the uncertainties. So current focus at work: continue to perform and look out for my part time course opportunities.

Personal life wise, i think my personal maintenance is getting higher. haha. I mean i still don't mind settling down for a more economical option sometimes, but when u're working, weekends are so rare and precious (2 out of 7 days) that everything i'll just give it all out to enjoy myself. So now i do more shopping, going for more labels; more fine dining on weekends; less work out (in fact close to zero), less reading, less outdoor or voluntary activities. Gosh! i'm degenerating.

Shopping a lot is a fact. This had in fact became one of my favourite past time, as well as a stress reliever. I believe in retail therapy. I shop average once in every 2 weeks. This only refer to shopping trip with items bought. Once in every 2 weeks does not sound a lot, i know. But considering the 2 weekends in a month that i don't shop is either because i'm going home, or there are some weekend commitments which doesn't allow me the time to go to town or when i'm with my boyfriend (cuz he friggin' hates shopping, especially with me, hehe), rest of the weekends when i'm free, and alone, i'm shopping.; It's crazily addictive. I need to save more money for studies! Luckily i work in freaking ulu changi and am doin more OT, that's y i don't get the time to shop on weekdays :) The only controlling factor for my shopping craziness is my boyfriend. Though i always complain about him for hating shopping, but on hindsight, it's a blessing that he does.

Am going Cameron Highlands with my family next weekend. Excited cuz it'd been a long time since we all travelled on a road trip. Good thing cuz another change since i last updated, was that i'm now trying to visit my parents more often and spending more time with them. Ever since work started, going back home is a chore with the crowd and traffic madness. So normally i go home on saturday morning and returns on Sunday afternoon before 5. It's short, but at least it makes the journey less tiring and less stressful with less crowd. So to make up for that, i hope i can make it at least going home once in every 3 weeks and spending some of my leave with them.

I used to wonder how people can get so comfortable with the mundane life of working and lead such typical lifestyle. Suddenly i realised i'm becoming one of them, and i suddenly understood y. Guess when things kinda settle down and you sorta achieved certain things you want, the curve plateaued. Gotta get out of this, that is why i need to start studying again soon. Next year...hehe...when i have enough money for school fees. hmm...wondering how my pay rise will be after appraisal.....

afresh

2007-01-13T12:21:00.000+08:00

2007. My first post for the year. My last post ended with a tinge of dejection and negativity but thankfully i got out of it shortly afterwards. Work hasn't been easy for the last couple of months but despite some low points and some occasionally-irritating colleagues who irks me with his sarcasm, things are looking up; effort and hard work had been rewarding as well :) This current environment with loads more dynamics which are to follow up is bound to promise me a very challenging year ahead. Thankfully too that i've found some really great buddies whom we share joys and woes and hard work together :) Cheering for myself and a better year in work ahead!!

I officially declare December to be my favourite month :) (besides July, of course). The december which had just past was filled with joy, fun, holidays, parties and spending time with my loved ones. Towards the end of december, with christmas and new year around the corner, there were just loads of parties, treats and dinners lined up from the company, the bosses....heh...and it's simply great to just look forward to it. My department itself is not very big, so i guess the gatherings brought us closer to another side of each other besides work.

Toook a break at the end of december to first, clear some of my leave and also to spend some quality time with my family and my darling :) Bing bro came back for his 'annual visit' hehe.... Time spent with him was short, but it was great especially when mum, him and me got to spend one afternoon talking and sharing about random stuff (with my silly youngest bro cooing at the background). Parents are just happy and contented when all their children are back and reunited. When everyone is around, dinner is different too even with the same old dishes. More bickering, sharing and laughing. I started to realised what festive seasons are for and where their meaning really lies.

Went HK with itsl. Our first new year together and somehow, either it's the holiday mood or it's because of him; maybe even both, every moment in HK was beautifully spent.

HK is not exactly my first choice for a holiday destination but i guess after half a year of work, i just wanted to get away somewhere for a break. Somewhere with a climate change, not too near yet not too far away, somewhere where i could just relax and get around easily, somewhere where i could just go without much planning, and somehow Hong Kong appeared to be the best choice :) We both agreed that this is gonna be a real free and easy trip. And so free and easy it was. 5 days there, we decided not to visit ocean park nor disney land. Shopping we did along the bustling streets of tsim tsa shui granville streets; eating we did around all corners of HK according to our lonely planet, feasting ourselves on delicious dim sum from one of the top ten restaurants in HK, $2 wantan mee along the roads, taste-buds tantalizing seafood, clams and mantis prawns along temple streets dai pai dong, HK's infamous roast goose rice and roasted pigeon, the very tender fresh portugese egg tart and the mango dessert plus tau fu fa at sweet dynasty!! Nature and sightseeing was a surprise for me in HK cuz i thought it's gonna be pretty much a city tour. We visited Lantau Island on the cable car which offers amazing view of the hilly landscape and national park complemented by the deep blue seas surrounding the island. There were trails on the mountain for trekkers on a beautiful day. We were lucky for the 5 days of beautiful skies and nice weather while we were there. Temperature was a comfy 15-18 with occasional chilly wind. White clouds contrasted with the beautiful blue skies background. Victoria peak's spectacular view of the HK central area buildings was breathtaking; either in the day or when darkness falls, it's an entirely different visual experience altogether.

The evenings in Hongkong are more exciting and fascinating compared to the day. The city comes alive at night and the hustle bustle of the crowd is overwhelming. The magical star avenue and magnificent victoria harbour came alive more with the christmas/new year mood and Mongkok, the area near where we stayed is a youngster paradise, swarmed with young people till 1 or 2 am at night. New year's eve was spent in lan guai fong, the clubbing area in HK Central. The clubs, the pubs and streets were so full of people that things as simple as walking down the street became difficult too. The view was great though, heh....with loads of eye candies and a sniff at the expat and riches' culture; not to forget the nice decorations to welcome in year 2007

There are places where you;'ve visited and you deemed it as romantic the moment you step your foot in. I love Montreal cuz of it's people, it's architecture and it's culture with the tinge of romantism in it. Hongkong is not an obvious choice but it is to me. It's just simple i guess with itsl. Looking thru the map and figuring our way to get to our destination, sharing the breathtaking fascinating view, getting lost together in the busy streets of Mongkok, walking back together all the way from temple street back to Mongkok, taking the open air double decker and enjoying the view together, savouring good food together on the streets, the ride on the cable car, getting crazy and silly together in a foreign place........

HK doesn't have everything or anything unique that i ask for in a perfect holiday destination, but I guess with every bits and pieces it has to offer, the beautiful experiences, the ability to appreciate the silver lining in everything and the great company of my wonderful darling; this is a holiday which i couldn't ask for more :)

lost

2006-11-05T01:22:00.000+08:00

Feeling kinda suffocated lately. There's this negative aura surrounding me that i can't seemed to get out of. I want a holiday. I need a break.

It'd been long since i stayed up at this hour in the night. The silence, serenity, only me with myself. I miss it. Spending time with myself. Remembered that when i was still in uni, no matter how tired i was after a whole day of lectures, tutorials and endless meetings and activities, i will still spend some quality time for myself. Recap the day, think about things, plan for the next day, encourage and motivate myself.......etc. I seemed to be doing less and less of that for myself.

Suddenly miss sitting under the tree at the src field; stare blankly into the vast open space and embrace the gentle wind. Just peaceful, quiet and soothing. Felt that my life had been pretty much revolving around concrete buildings. Maybe it's time i take a walk somewhere out in the opennature, breathe thru blue skies, white clouds, trees and blossoming flowers.

Feeling exhausted, helpless, aimless and a bit dejected.

Sometimes it's just so tiring to feign emotions and contain myself to not to lose it. Tend to get more frustrated with everything bottled up. Why can't i just lose my temper in a huff and walk off? Why must i behave like a sensitive adult who is empathatic towards my co-workers or people around me when they piss me off to hell? why why why.....why can't i just lose it!

i'm so tired and negative these days. When will these bad days end?

some thoughts

2006-10-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

time flies really quickly when you're working, i realised.

it'd been 3 months since i started work; 5 months since i left school and hey, 10 more months closer to 25 :P Seemed scary especially when i see peoople around me hitting quarter life crisis. Rather than associating it with the age, i think that it has more to do with the transition from the sheltered schooling days to the working life. Like when objectives and directions in life suddenly shift and expanded to an extent so wide that you could hardly see beyond. Or like when suddenly u feel that something u had wanted to do for so many years turned out to be totally out of expectations; and u question your future, look back at your past few years of dreams and hard work which kept u goin. Picture suddenly became incoherent. Suddenly disillusionised.

Itsl and i was talking the other day back home when he suddenly asked, so what do u want ultimately in life? I told him that i want to be fulfilled and satisfied in everything that i do in life; and i want to live life to its fullest. Come to think of it, maybe there's nothing in specific which i'm genuinely pressing hard to achieve eh. There are dreams which i used to have; which i chose to forgo after evaluating various factors which came into picture with age, commitment and responsibility. There are dreams which i still wanna pursue but i'm simply leaving it aside for now. Too many things to do with so little time.

Guess it's good to come back to blogging. I realised i told myself that i'm busy and i don't have time to blog down my thoughts. There are so many times when i started a few sentences on my blog space and suddenly i'm stumped with words and thoughts to convey. What's really happening in my life. Am i really just too busy or i'm just allowing myself not to think now, and not to think beyond anymore.

I think i'm happy with my work, still. People at work makes the day pass by easier, task appear simpler. I'm still picking up new things, getting settled and immersed in the industry and profession. So for now, i'm happy just to learn new things everyday, fulfilled my boss's requests, being more confident with decisions and tasks as days go by, good lunch and chat with my colleagues. I'm not thinking beyond these. Because beyond these are things which are too beyond my grasp and understanding. This phase, is still exploration.

There are people who are seeing beyond earlier. Normally when things really go awry and out of expectations at work, you see it faster. Or maybe they adapt faster, pick things up faster, think faster and therefore realised things faster. I believe this is a phase which you will get through. Times like these, dreams and faith became something you cling tightly for, isn't it.

Seemed to be kinda out of touch with uni friends nowadays. Besides colleagues, housemate and itsl; i guess it's only once in a few weeks meet up to catch up on each other's lives. I should be spending more quality personal time with myself too. Had wanted to take up some lessons for leisure...but that hasn't been fufilled yet. Though 3 months at work already, i guess there're still loads of adjustments. Am just glad i have itsl in my life to share this phase. He's been the most wonderful that i'd ever had. So much that he'd given me and shared that i see a more holistic view of life, future and career. And also of ideals, hopes and love too. It's heartwarming to look back at those days when we got together; see ourselves at this stage and to realise how much of our life elements have changed; how much stronger our faith in our relationship has become and how much we, and our love have grown. It's amazing.

new phase starts

2006-08-10T09:14:00.000+08:00

It'd been a while eh.

Thanks to those who still drop by to take a peek at my blabberings once in a while :)

Life's been really different since 1 month plus ago. Adjusting to my new working life; shifted to a new neighbourhood with a very sweet housemate; balancing my social life; struggling with my new biological clock; mingling with my new colleagues, new environment; gaining financial independence; missing school life and lectures and classmates....etc. Weeks pass by easily and quickly. July and August have always held a special spot in me cuz it's the month of birth of many of my beloved ones, including my own. Now july became more interesting with itsl joining in as one of the summer babies ;) Our birthdays came and went; spent it together with our families, caught up with old friends and schoolmates; but most importantly, first time we're celebrating each other's birthday together, and it made a difference and brings special meaning with our lives integrated together. The month now sparkles even more with joy, hope and love.

Work had been really fine. My job scope turned out to be unexpectedly enjoyable, contrary to my expectations. To me, it's like a continuation of what i'd picked up in school during fyp, more of projects related to process and development, troubleshooting...etc. Am dealing more with chemicals and materials, something which i'm more familiar and comfortable with. I like my team where it consists of my manager, a senior engineer, a supervisor, me and another new colleague. I like the way how we work together, discuss together and help out one another. It'd been a joy hanging out with them and other colleagues for lunch together too. Well, maybe life as an engineer ain't that unsuitable for me after all. My company has a very typical american culture (well, it's an american company after all), which i truly appreciate, with open communication, flat hierarchy, flexibility and also thoughtful benefits ;)

So another stage of life begins. Starting all over again from scratch just like how i enter every new phase of life: explore, learn, grow and mature. Right now it's just exploration, learning and giving my best to assignments that'd been entrusted. Opportunities, performance and achievements, i'll take it in my stride as they come along.

2006-06-29T01:02:00.000+08:00

damn chun eh

spanish fever

2006-06-29T00:41:00.000+08:00

am so sad Spain lost!!!!! They were of so much potential and they played with so much dynamism and rhythm.

My maxis server sends me world cup updates every morning. Normally i'll just wink open my eyes, catch the results and then go back to sleep. THis morning after i saw the ESP 1- FRA 3...i cheered initially at the ESP 1....then i realised it was 3 goals for the french.....man....i couldn't go back to sleep after that. So sad......no more torres, no more raul, no more ramos, no more fabregas, no more puyol, no more joaquin......Suddenly i lost interest in world cup :P heh....

Bingbro said he was planning to buy a spanish jersey before that match; and now i insist that he keeps his plan. That's a good idea...maybe i should buy myself a spanish jersey to cheer myself up a lil' too :P

And omg...talking about bingbro...his singing is bloody hot! I couldnt believe my ears nor what i saw when i opened the video clip he sent me....my brother sings so bloody well, and it's korean....MAN...how come i pick up nothing？i'm so proud of him :) Am urging him to put it up on youtube...haha...for those who're interested in checking it out...apparently he puts it up on his friendster page as well...but somehow i couldn't view it...maybe u guys could ;) Or ask me to send u the clip...haha!

Today, or rather yesterday 28th June was cat's birthday.....Blessed Birthday, woman!! Thanks for being there all these while, my dear friend. Hope you like the summer autumn dedication :)

the crazy month

2006-06-20T15:46:00.000+08:00

The whole world is getting crazy over a ball. Surprisingly, this fever is getting on to me.

I shockingly watched more matches than I'd ever thought, especially since stadium astro is just repeating matches after matches in the afternoon. Although not crazy to the extent of staying up for the matches, but i spent most of my afternoons just watching soccer. Talking about bumming around..... Bingbro asked me whether i watched it for the game itself or for the players, I would say both....hehe. Some of the matches are quite dreary actually....for example the england-trinidad game....boring......The brazillians are not playing fantastically well either...missing some samba football action there. My favourite team is the spanish team. Had always shown some favouritsm towards the team cuz of Raul. However they had been playing exceptionally well for the last 2 games...exciting and entertaining football, even to a non-soccer fan like me. So much dynamism, speed, strength and adrenaline rush with their young squad!

amazingly, i'm watching more football than my boyfriend does. In fact he hasn't watched a single one...hee....cuz poor itsl hasn't even got enuff time to sleep or spend some quality time with his ownself after work everyday...sighz.... It's just work, eat, sleep and me :) So for his dedication, i shall do him a favour and watch on his behalf :P

2 more weeks before i start work. A month ago when i gotten the offer, i thought my mind could just settle at ease and i could just relax and enjoy myself before working life starts. SOmehow it didn turn out as what i expected. Mind had been in a slight turmoil lately, trying to adjust my expectations, position myself and also to see beyond what it has to offer for now. Sometimes i get really scared to visualize myself working just like that in that position for the rest of my life, leading an ordinary life and never progressing on. This is not what i want....but where are my dreams......

Met up with dp mates last monday. Everyone was there except for OPL and audrey. It was great seeing good old familiar faces after 1 month plus of changes and new occurences. I am already missing school days....

about being an adult

2006-06-07T12:33:00.000+08:00

you know sometimes quiet moments to yourself always spurs thoughts which were subconsciously hidden somewhere at the back of your mind. But a pity that we seldom have too many of such moments as we grow older, getting to adulthood.

so what's about being an adult? Sometimes i wonder whether it's truly increased complexities in emotions and thoughts or whether it's just fogged thinking abilities, cuz it seemed there're just too many things which clouds our vision and we just take for granted our lives day after day.

Why is it that some people never change after years...u know the way they speak, the way they dress, the way they think, the way they percieved things; but some people changed so much with the environment that they're now beyond recognition. At least changed from the way how we thought they were. It's funny how people expect others to always stay constant and predictable whereas themselves as always changing.

It's scary to know that sometimes environment changes a person...so much to an extent that it might even overrules the original values and principles. Or maybe there wasn't any particularly strong ones anyway. I realised sometimes we're just in no position to judge anyone anymore. We don't wished to be judged by others in the first place. And life takes on various different forms. People make choices, which they think suits them best. SOmetimes a dilemma arises whether we should just make choices to make ourselves happy for the moment or to think ahead long term. It's still a choice.

That's why i'm not sure anymore whether as a friend, i have the obligation to make you realise the way we think, to help you see the future; or just to be there, not being judgemental and wish that the best which you hope for to come your way. Cuz i know life is simply different between yours and ours. Beyond understanding, beyond distance. And beyond what my perception would allow me to digest, u said. Life's hard for you eh, i know. After all struggle between reality, practicality and dreams; there's always a price to pay.

Maybe it'd been too long that we were just too indulged in our own individual lives in different places to show concern and care like how we used to do to each other. We might not be able to help completely, but we can share....Just to let you know that we will always be there for you to talk to. Whenever you want to, and when u're ready to.

2006-06-04T01:58:00.000+08:00

amazing sunset at patong beach

phuket+phi phi revisited

2006-06-04T00:28:00.000+08:00

am back from phuket with a tan and loads of memories. Sun, blue skies and sea make the perfect combination for holidays. The 5 days i was there, it was sunny all the way despite weather forecasts of scattered thunderstorms. So untrue. But i'm not complaining :) Had been on a couple of beach holidays, so i kinda expected the kinda activities that i'll be doin there. My main objective before goin was simple: Chill and watch stars at the beach with great booze.

And it was indeed amazing.

Sunset at Patong beach was beautiful. Golden streaks of sunrays penetrating through the purplish, blue skies, forming shades of pink, orange and gold; shattering the colours all over the vast horizons and casting shades on the sea and moving waves.

This time, i see phuket in a different light compared to other beaches which i went before. Phuket's Patong beach was one of the heavily destructed areas during the tsunami. It was unbelievable that such a sight in front of me was actually restoration from the disaster. I can't help but to be amazed at the locals. Despite tragedies, life goes on, everything was reconstructed- the beach, the buildings, the confidence and the optimism towards life. I admire the positivity and optimism they inject in life. Revisited phi phi island too on a snorkelling trip. Indescribable.

One highlight of the trip was the sea canoeing trip that i went on the 4th day. A visit to the national park, Phang-Nga Bay. Interesting caves, fresh experience, exciting exploration plus a group of young, spontaneous crew. Nothing could be better than this. I love the part of exploring caves on the canoe, goin into the dark winding tunnel, with bats hanging on top of the caves, bending down to avoid the cave stones.....it's so cool...and so adventurous :P

The sun, skies, waves; The snorkelling, sea canoeing, starry nights with waves washing feet, chilling by the beach with live band and booze, beach life and the people. Relished my memories of how beach paradise like these always take my breath away, and how it does wonders :)

**********************************************************************************

Loads of things happened for the past few weeks. New job confirmed, results released, itsl back. It's like one chapter of my life finally came to an end and a fresh start to a new chapter. Did the best ever i had for my uni life. They're probably not significant anymore since i'd secured an offer before results are out, but the fact that i did well and achieved my objective kinda boosted my morale and confidence by a large margin.

Commencement of work in July. So right now, i have officially one month to rest, relax, fulfill my part 2 graduation trip plans, lay out plans and to reposition myself for this coming challenge. By then, i expect myself to be all armed and ready, looking forward for a fresh kick :)

given an official one month break...yoohoo

2006-05-27T12:57:00.000+08:00

2006-05-19T01:36:00.000+08:00

12 days

2006-05-19T00:28:00.000+08:00

maybe it's the skies, or maybe it's just me....the skies seemed to be sunnier, bluer and brighter as the 12 days are drawing to the end. Or maybe it's just becuz u're coming back.

It had been pretty eventful for the past 12 days. I should say a lot of things kinda fall into place during this period of time. Had been busy and hectic in a way, settling admin stuff, goin for interviews, meeting up with friends. Absence of itsl makes some of the days a bit dreary and long but there're always folks like baey, martyn, wt, wz and wei which made some all great at the same time.

Baey's finally back....i can't believe how time flies...it seemed a while ago when she came back last year and it's another year again. Same old baey, same old wacky self......there're things around us which will change over time; but there're good ole things which will always stay the same too, don't they? I still remembered when she left last summer, we were saying how different things would be when she comes back again this year....and it seemed like we were talking about a distant future. And now, this is it. Well, but things aren't that different i guess.....change is gradual and it wasn't as abrupt as i thought....everything just falls into place nicely, timely, at an appropriate pace.

The uncertainties and worries that i had about job hunting can finally come to an end. I guess i was just plain lucky. I'm thankful, really. For not goin thru a stressful trauma of waiting, disappointments and devastation. Hopefully everything's gonna be smooth sailing :) Keeping fingers crossed.

Life will be totally starting fresh when july comes. With new job gearing ahead, there'll be new place to stay too. (Yay, can move out of raffles hall :P) Was excited talking about it with wei over dinner. We were visualizing our cosy lil' corner. Am glad that we share the same sentiments over the major concerns of the house, and that's cool. Yay, my new housemate! We can decorate it together, shop for furniture together.....It's gonna be really exciting having our own place and i'm looking forward to that too.

12 days without itsl was harder than what i expected, especially when days are slightly more unusual than the norm, when new things are happening. But no worries, cuz i'm still the strong and independent me :) Although, i must say that the situation is different now. I guess it's not just a question about being independent or not, it's probably the rippling effect of the absence of that special someone which tugs ur heartstrings everytime the thought of it. I always think that being in a relationship means that 2 people are entering each other's world, each other's life, complementing each other and perfecting the other person. And i guess these all come in with the integration of values, beliefs, lifestyles and people around us.
To me, life is different with a special element which begins with the letter L; and different with a special person which begins with the letter i.

ur presence was deeply missed for the past 12 days and sometimes, even i couldn't believe it myself.

a beginning to everything

2006-05-03T12:33:00.000+08:00

heh...it'd been a month since i last blogged. I would presume this is the longest neglect ever that I had on this blog.

After much anticipation and anxieties for the past few months, the period of uncertainties finally came after all. Seemed gradual yet it feels abrupt at the same time. It was like all the busy period getting cramped nicely one after another. After DP final submission, then it was exams. I think taking 3 modules at the beginning of the sem was one of my best decisions after all. Haha. Study week, 2 days of exams just flashed by. Before i knew it, it ended. This exams could be considered one of my most stressless exams ever in NUS. And it had to be the last one. Do i sound like i miss exams? Nah...Neeeeeever....haha. I think i miss school...but at the same time, i'm ready to move on.

Used to be very anxious and all tensed up when it comes to job hunting. Had always wanted to secure a job before graduation, but throughout the sem, it didnt really matter that much to me anymore. I know i wanted a job which i will like and sustain through, at least for a couple of years maybe. I can't really describe that kinda feeling, but i feel more settled and at ease with that fact now. Heh...so once again, i'm down to searching for something again. I need plenty of patience and perseverance. It's just the beginning.....Just wish me luck :)

itsl seemed to have a settling effect on me ;) heh...and i'm thankful to him for that. Days were never much the same since then. It was sunny blue skies everyday :) I still look back and can't help be amazed at what had took place. Somehow it seemed harder to blog nowadays without mentioning him. Like what we always say, not that we wanna make it hush hush; just dont wanna make a big hoo haa :P And i guess being private is still my style after all. I might don't seemed to mention him a lot in front of friends, and i might just give a simple 'good' when friends ask about it, but yea...it's really perfect. I do appreciate the concern, really.

And btw, 'good', is just an understatement :)

I'm happy with him in my life. And every morning, I wake up with a smile, thinking how brilliant my life is.

deadlines

2006-04-03T14:27:00.000+08:00

it'd been long, isn't it.

It feels like a burden of 10 thousand stones off shoulder today. Finally handed in the individual report for my heat exchanger network for dpII. It's a crazy period of work. Madness. Insane. Nuff said.

Slept the minimal amount of hours that i'd ever did for work. Well...accumulated eye bags, darkened eye rings, eyes in perpetual state of tiredness...what's new, besides accentuated effect. Ought to be sleeping right now, cuz i'm planning to skip the lecture later...but u know somehow, times like these...when u feel like u have all the time in the world to do something, u'll just procrastinate. Even for sleeping. Just wanna delay that gratification to the max...haha...i'm just insane. I just love stolen moments like these :P

HEN was fun in a way, really. I was glad that i chose it. Like how opl was glad that she chose the reactor. SOmehow or another, everything just falls into place. Despite my ramblings about the crazy hours, crazy workload and crazy deadlines, it was nice to have everyone around in the comp lab, sharing the crazy moments, working hard together, complain together, rush for deadlines together....Moments which are, probably memorable in years to come.

and of course, it can be just perfect with itsl.

2006-03-15T11:58:00.000+08:00

miss toh! my cute funny tutor

2006-03-15T10:17:00.000+08:00

cn2!!

2006-03-15T10:16:00.000+08:00

april's poster + us ;)

2006-03-15T10:15:00.000+08:00

teresa, me + my poster

2006-03-15T10:14:00.000+08:00

weithien, poster + me

2006-03-15T10:13:00.000+08:00

dp girl power

what a week

2006-03-15T09:48:00.000+08:00

well, hmm...it had been quite a week....quite a week.

Poster presentation was one highlight. The excitement, the thrill to see so many people, the exhilarating judging session, i still vividly remember. It really felt like graduation. To many of us, the moderation, poster presentation is like one whole load of the mind.....or shd i put it this way...8 MCs out of the mind ;)

Nothing can illustrate poster presentation more than the pictures can do :P

*******************************************************************************

Since young, mum always say that i can never find things, even if they're lying just beneath my nose. Till now, i still think i'm pretty blur and hopeless when it comes to finding things. All along, it had been just plain virtual imagination, fantasies and hopes. To a point that i think i'd already kept this pretty lil' dream which i weaved deep down inside, hidden and probably lost. Then all of a sudden, i find everything coming into pieces; I find everything that i used to envision translate into reality. Something i can feel, something i can sense, something which is so real. i think i found it. Then i realised, all wasn't lost, it's still within me all this while, best things in life comes with patience. Everything's unfolding in an unimaginable beautiful manner. And i'm thankful that i'd waited; blessed that it happened.

2006-03-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

beautiful

untitled

2006-03-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

you know, once in a blue moon, there're just people who will really surprise u; and they can really take your breath away...... :)

2006-03-05T11:30:00.000+08:00

sneak preview of my poster :P

crazy march

2006-03-05T11:14:00.000+08:00

it's march. Counting down 1 month+ before school ends. Somehow, despite how unhappy or insatisfied i was for some parts of my memories in uni, i think i'll miss school. The bittersweet memories hold too much in me.

poster presentation coming week. SO exciting!!! I printed my poster and it's such a great sense of satisfaction. How i miss my days in the lab......the people in the lab....the late night stirring of solution, cell culture......And now, everything's gonna be concluded with an oomph. I'll make sure it's a blast. Really. Suddenly, it felt like graduation..everything's gonna end.....

March is a crazy month. It's a month full of deadlines, and i'm coming to terms with that. blah...no time for my random senseless rambling. I gotta get down to work.

Yesh....ciao

2006-02-21T14:05:00.000+08:00

from constant gardener

random thoughts

2006-02-21T12:52:00.000+08:00

See, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. Once in a while, people might even take your breath away. That's what you have to believe - Grey's anatomy

I guess sometimes we just gotta have faith. In people, in things, in ourselves. Fairytales might not turn out to be what we dreamt about, but faith is what we cling on to move on.
i'm in love with grey's anatomy. Though i'd only watched 3 episodes so far. Maybe it's cuz the 1st episode i watched mesmerized me with the philosophy of procrastination. Or maybe it's just the music soundtrack which i so love.

I don't know why we put things off. But if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection?Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, any decision, because what if you're wrong? - Grey's anatomy

I'm still in awe how true that applies to me deep down inside. An unspoken worry, unspoken fear. It struck me hard that i might actually have so many fears deep within, which i am unaware of. hehe. Which, of course, explains my procrastination tendency.

These days seemed busy, yet i felt very unaccomplished. Sometimes i get very disgusted with myself with the fact that i am only taking 3 modules, and yet 6 weeks had passed, i have done nothing. Things done last minute. I should buck up. really.

mind's in a turmoil these days too. Still unsettled, maybe a lil' bit of excitement and sparks but yet everything's so uncertain. It doesn really feels good to be in the process of search. I guess i'm just impatient. I'm always seeing the end results, yet am not enjoying the process of getting there, cuz i just get too eager to get there. It's like how i dreaded looking for things since i was young. Be it hide and seek; looking for something in a mess of everything. Best if i could spot it right on. Even better if it just landed in front of me. Yes, but life's not about good fortune all the time. Life ain't rosy all the times either. Maybe it's about opportunities and chances. Tend to focus too much on certain things such that i overlook things. Even if it's just right beneath my nose, my eyes are still looking far ahead.

seriously, i think i'm not alone in this. it's just that everyone's just keeping to themselves. I mean, i am doin just that. Everything's in such a perfect mess that i felt like i'm picking up pieces randomly, directionless. Such grudging yet subtle kinda feelings. I guess i can probably just leave it and see how it takes off from there. But i know i can't just leave it there even though it's easy not to. It's just me, it's my life, for goodness sake, i need to think. Is that like re-discovering sanity? life's just insane with work piled on without thoughts, emotions and directions.

Anywayz, yet another entry on a dialogue with my inner self. let me be.

Went for site visit yesterday. SRC refinery. My 1st time in jurong island. I wonder whether it'll be my last time there. I wasn't fascinated, as how i was with my boat trip to bukom. It was insightful. Definitely. Not in a very positive tone, but i must mention that the chemical plant took my breath away. (still, pls don't think of it as a very positive statement). It's huge, it's massive, it's...amazing and impressive somehow. I think it can be fun working there initially, but it's really hard work i think...really. I don't know how i would survive in such a plant in future. I don't know whether i will end up there for a few years. I just don't know.

ANYWAYz

Laura came for a visit last thursday. Finally met her before she went back. She's still as cool as ever. Tanner, more toned. short and sweet catching up for an hour. been a year. Doesnt quite feel like it.

Bingbro went back on friday. Guess it wasn't as emotional as last year. I bet 2nd year dentistry will be an exciting and challenging year ahead. It's always fun to do something you love :)

mid-term break....i barely started anything. Doesn quite seemed like a break though. Project meetings, extra classes, posters, readings. Still, i'm goin home for a break. Am not sure how often would i be able to go back home after mid term break; am not sure either how things will go. Yup, pop's goin to jb tmr, so i'm gonna get a ride back home :D

counting down 2 months......2 months. how, what, where?

nobody know where they might wake up.....nobody knows.....nobody knows where they might end up.....nobody knows

2006-02-15T10:23:00.000+08:00

sappy song for v day ;)

D-day- V-day

2006-02-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

ey, hope u guys enjoyed your valentine's/friendship day :)

a very normal day for me. Just like any other day. Besides getting fascinated and 'ba gua' together with my girly dp team about who got flowers, who got gifts, who got huge bunch of roses, nothing was special :)

i think in our dp team, all of us are getting very comfortable with each other. Sometimes maybe too comfortable with each other to be efficient in work. But well, it was fun nevertheless, so i shall not care too much for now :P I think i really got a wacky team....haha. With spontaneous random opl, cutesy blur wt, horny Ap, fun-loving straightforth jh, witty lh, and not forgetting our env consultant, Au, ok, and plus me who can be versatile in digressing, ba gua and crazy, we really make a fabulous team. Haha. Last sat, we really had a good time laughing our hearts out with silly jokes and lame story-telling. It's fun with the girls+1 guy :)

So i spent my day with them...hah. Despite our plans to finish our task at 4, head to munchie for yummy brownie and ice cream; we can only settle for a short dinner in eng canteen and carried on with the report and flowsheet till 11pm. Accomplished our interim report. We seemed some pathetic souls huh, spending v-day in the comp lab...but it was enjoyable. Making plans for our team travel after exams! How well we digress eh!

Something exciting did happen today though ;) I saw baby shrimps in my shrimp tank!!! 2 of them.....couldn't believe my eyes for a moment until i saw them swimming delightfully in their frail tiny bodies. I'm so thrilled! It was my 2nd batch of shrimps from felix: Hewie, lewie and dewie. Was kinda demoralised and lethargic to start another tank initially after the 1st batch died (shit, can't even remember their names....ah...butthead and beaverhead+ unknown). But today, i suddenly felt the kind of passion how felix felt for his tanks. It's just marvellous and encouraging to know that they not only survived, but are thriving as well! Yay, from 3, i have 5 now! okie, with more excitement and pleasure, come more responsibility ;) I shall make sure they'll grow healthily ;)

Playing this song on my winamp right now: 就是爱你 by david tao.

Since college, I sorta stop listening to chinese songs (with the exception of jay chou), but i particularly love this song. It's just somehow simple, yet close to heart. Simple lyrics, simple things, simple love. How dreamy and beautiful. Heh....such a sappy yet appropriate song for a day like this ;)

A lil' love story to share about how i got to know about this song: It's my bro's 'theme song' for his girlfriend ;) He sang this song on stage with his guitar in Adelaide, dedicating this song to his girlfriend in front of all fellow hall residents! I knew about this all along but i always thought that he sang the other song (ai hen jian dan) for her. Sidenote, that song is probably another story for me, but well....it was this instead :) Since then, somehow, i developed a strong liking for this song. Maybe cuz of the lovely love story linked to it. Maybe just cuz of its simplicity :)

hey bro, Happy valentine's day to you and huey yan :)
Will miss ya loads when u go back

我一直都想对你说
你给我想不到的快乐像绿洲给了沙漠
说你会永远陪着我做我的根我翅膀让我飞也有回去的窝
我愿意我也可以付出一切也不会可惜
就在一起看时间流逝要记得我们相爱的方式
就是爱你爱着你有悲有喜
有你平淡也有了意义
就是爱你爱着你甜蜜又安心
那种感觉就是你

我一直都想对你
说你给我想不到的快乐像绿洲给了沙漠
说你会永远陪着我做我的根我翅膀让我飞也有回去的窝
我愿意真的愿意付出所有也要保护你
Oh 在一起时间继续流逝请记得我有多么的爱你
Oh 就是爱你爱着你不弃不离开不在意一路有多少风雨
就是爱你爱着你放在你手心灿烂的幸福全给你
Oh 就是爱你爱着你我都愿意
就是爱你爱着你要我们在一起

these days

2006-02-06T20:30:00.000+08:00

feeling lethargic right now. Workload is building. At this point of time, i'm just glad that i dropped the other module and choose to focus on 3. For design 2, i'm doin heat integration. If in the future few months, u see me complaining, just tell me that i asked for it.

Well, what to say? I foresee a lot of work. GOtta have a wide outlook to encompass the whole flowsheet. I'm kinda itching to start, but still i somehow gotta wait. haiz.....i hate waiting. But then again i think i'm not that prepared yet either. Such dilemma.

tell me about waiting. Tell me about it man. i think i'm really really not motivated these days. Why huh.

feeling very unsettled these days too. Not sure what's the reason, maybe it's a combination of everything coming together. Like i'm anxious to get things done and motivated, but in the end i got nothing really accomplished. Sucky. Maybe it's that call too. And probably cuz bingbro's goin back in less than 2 weeks time. Sighz. time flies eh. 2 months just went past. Am gonna miss the wacky days the 3 of us had, and not forgetting pop and mom's delightedness. btw, did i mention that i met bingbro's 'she' already? Heh...such a sweet demure girl. real pretty too.

laura's coming over to sg next week. Can't wait to see her. Felt bad for not contacting thru out the 3 months she's in jb. Now that she's flying back to aussie, glad that she called to meet up. ashamed :P Maybe i shd get her something as souvenir eh.

alrighty...i gotta go do up my presentation slides. THen it's the much awaited despo housewives. talking about motivated......hmph.

the festive season

2006-02-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year folks! It's the year of the dog, my year! heh. The past 12 years were the years which truly shaped me into where and who i am right now. The decisions i'd made, the path that i walked thru, the friendships forged, the experiences, be it sad or happy; bits and pieces which pictured me.

chinese new year is a festive of joy and reunion. It has always been my favourite festival. Somehow as i grew older, cny seemed to be kinda overrated, but still i look forward to the coming year cny irregardlessly. This year was good with bingbro back. In fact i think as long as the whole family is reunited, everyone makes an effort to spend quality time at home, everyday can be cny :) Reunion dinner was a bit quiet this year. It used to be 4 families coming together to celerbate it with grandma and small aunt, but this year, it was only 2. Instead of 20+ ppl, there were only 12 of us. Nevertheless we had a good time + good food. To me, the excitement of cny only resides a week b4 cny up till 1st day of cny. Days after that are just plain in comparison. I like shopping for new year goods, buying flowers to light up the house, buying goodies for guest hosting. best part was of cuz the dinner.

I watched 'I not stupid too' today. A sequel to I not stupid. I think it's pretty nice show, touching, warm and sensational at some points. albeit draggy at the initial part. The show reminded me of my lil' bro at home, who's growing up fast before i realised. Y' know the age when u start to be conscious of ur appearance, when u wanna act cool, always have this angst in the look of ur eye, start shaking away ur parents hands from urself and embracing ur friend's company, thinks that the whole world doesnt understand u...etc etc. Think my bro is still at a very initial stage. Heh... i just think he's still very innocent and kiddish at times. He has contradictory mood swings anywayz........sometimes too cold, too angsty and too distant from me; but most of the times still the very baby that i first set my eyes on when i was 10. dad and mum always say both of us have very similar characters and personalities. I do agree with that. So i guess most of the time i can understand how he feels and y he behaves certain ways. Talking about generation gap, maybe it hasn't existed YET. But i remembered praising him always. Not a very constructive praisal at times, but i do. And i do listen to him. Heh, and i still hug him and hook his arm. Anyway, he talks to mum when he's in his lighter moods. man..the lil' boss is taller than me already. Maybe i really aged.

one of the more exciting part of cny was the sec school gathering. Planned to just show face but in the end stayed for a longer time than what i expected. Maybe socializing ain't as hard, nor as bad as how i imagined it to be. Old friends after all.

A very sweet story that i think i shd share on this festive season, and maybe a season of love: Sec school classmate Y got married. He's 25. It was totally out of expectation cuz he used to be one of the 'notorious' guys who go after girls with his sweet tongue. Never thought that he's willing to commit and get settled at such a young age. Then we found out that he just has to get married because his wife is 4 years older than he was, which makes her 29 this year, and after 4 years of courtship, he decided he will marry her, when she's at her marriageable age. I think i admire his courage. It's not easy to get a guy to commit, especially when it's for a reason like this. And he's particularly admirable cuz he's Y. Though his sweet tongue is still not lost to him, he's a more mature person now. ;) I wish him and his wife bliss and happiness. Hope to see their baby next cny ;)

my favourite stairs and the breeze

2006-01-26T00:22:00.000+08:00

i took my favourite path from engin back to my room.

It's a flight of stairs tucked somewhere at one isolated corner at the end of engin bridge. Walking that flight of stairs always made me feel good. Especially when i took that left turn from the e5 benches to that isolated corner which looked like a dead end, i feel breeze, i see trees, i see the skies and i see the end of the corridors. As if it was the dead end, yet as u approach it, u'll realised there's a flight of winding brick stairs leading down to the path with two tall trees at the side, and eventually leading to the direction of the bus stop opposite YIH. Yea, i love the breeze, i love the view, especially in the evening and i just love the feeling of seeing a path when u thought u reached a dead corner.

i think i can feel the chinese new year breeze. It always feels particularly different at this time of the year. It's cooling, yet not chilly. I think it brings a sense of warmth and tinge of festive mood to chinese new year. Feels like it brings a fresh start to a brand new year :)

There's hope everywhere, isn't it?

stuff of lately

2006-01-24T09:59:00.000+08:00

kings of convenience tics were all sold out :(

well, pinning hopes on jason mraz concert then........................but i really wanna catch KOC live! :(

my neighbour opposite my room shifted away. She's the person whom i'm 'closest' to on the floor. Reason she shifted away was because she only have 2 days classes. The rest of the days she goes back to KT. School days she'll bunk in with her friend. No wonder she'll do that eh...considering she'll be saving up 1000++ sg dollars per sem.

But i can never do that i suppose. I need social life. I need some 'busy factors' in my life. I need to stay alone with my own space often, just to do stuff i like, think the things i like, without the obligation to interact with/ entertain requests of people around me.

Having said all these, despite the fact that i go home pretty often these days too, cuz of my wonderful timetable, I guess this kinda comfort won't stay for long with design project challenges looming ahead of us. It's really sucky. i can't imagine how would i survive the individual project part. Argh....reading the ESS textbook brings me back to the fundamentals of chemical engineering. Made me re-evaluate myself again as a chemical engineer. Seriously, i have no idea howz it gonna be.

Sometimes i really think that little facts of life seemed to hint at things which we refuse to believe. Ah....that's the parable of the boiled frog. But then again, it might turn out to be a self-fulfiling prophecy if we choose to believe it right from the very beginning.

Was helping out to spring clean the house over the weekend when i went home. Yeaaa...it's the time of the year when u have to throw things away. Helped bingbro to paint as well. Honestly, it's the time of the year that i dreaded most too. Who doesnt? But just gotta get thru this phase before entering my favourite festival- CNY...hehe :P I made some blunders, and mum and bro kept questioning how an engineer could be simply not be bothered with the operation of certain simple stuff. They were joking of course, and that speaks of little truth in it....but up till a point, i got kinda pissed. It wasn't my choice, i yelled back, when bingbro said, who asked u to be an engineer. It's so sadly, unfortunately true. Not everyone is as lucky as u. And suddenly i felt the grudging feeling again. Here i am trying to accept my future, trying to accept another side of me. But i guess it just wasn't innate. I have to try. Very hard sometimes. I'll still try, of course. I thought to myself, it's either i accept it and made it big, or i fail, be miserable and fail my life. That's not what's gonna happen.

On a lighter note, wt and april finally got petroleum refinery :) We're taking the same modules this sem, same class. It's gonna be enjoyable with them around. Seeing them with all the late night rush for RP report, i wished i could help them get thru it soon. I remembered what i went thru during the sem when i was doin RP. I was luckier, it was holidays and i have teresa to motivate me alongside :) And that was one year ago. My.........it's somehow hard to imagine how much shorter can a year get.

CNY's around the corner. Love the cny food. Bbq meat, the oranges, pineapple tarts and all the goodies...simply made me drool. Oh, and one reason, cny is a reason/excuse i can go for a shopping spree. Didn really shop for it this year, but i discovered a new found fetish for necklaces :) wei and i plan to 'accessorize' ourselves as the upcoming new year dress-up resolution...haha. Planning to shop with Mons in jb this coming thurs, but things cropped up for her. I hope everything's fine.

Despite DP, despite stress (occasionally from my group leader) and despite my disappointment for not being able to catch KOC, there're a lot of things to look forward to. Everything throw aside....I think i'm gonna enjoy it pretty much ;)

2006-01-16T12:44:00.000+08:00

quiet is the new loud-kings of convenience!

mosaic music festival

2006-01-16T11:49:00.000+08:00

omg! i still can't believe it: Kings of Convenience is coming to Singapore! And it's their first ever asia tour.

the even shocking part was, 90 min of performance without intermission is only 30 bucks for students...omg...omg...omg. I'm goin crazy....i'll shoot myself if i don't go for it!

If u were wondering how they sound like, check out this really cool juke box. http://www.fs1.co.uk/ecard/kings/

Check out the music festival happening in march....this is so exciting! Can't wait
http://www.mosaicmusicfestival.com/index.html

I'm marking on my calendar this day which i must check.

2nd week of school just started, and i kinda made a major decision to just take 3 modules this sem. I had already 146 Mcs on hand, excluding RP which i'd done previous semesters. In actual fact i need 14 more MCs to graduate, and RP+DPII+HR are compulsory modules for my major. That'll come up to 8+5+3= 16! hey, i'd already more than enuff modules. Yea, anywayz, am still taking petroleum refinery. Dropping chem and biocatalysis. It was that hard to decide becuz i find myself idle with a very empty shedule, for now. Asked so many ppl, consulted various opinions, and deciding not to risk my cap, i finally decided to just take 3 modules. I was kinda inspired to fill my last semester with things/resolution which i'd never gotten to do for the past years in uni. Like what, u might ask. Like maintaining a fitness schedule, like joining activities such as pilates and yoga, like reading up more, like allowing myself more time to research on my future opportunities, like attending talks, oh, and like goin for music concerts!

okie, that's not it. I need to focus more on this sem DP, reading up as much as i can, trying out as many alternatives as i could. that goes the same for Petroleum refinery and HR. Yea, make the best out of what i can for this final sem.

sounds like i've got a lot of things on hand now.... :)

1st week of my 8th semester

2006-01-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

*hey!! i can upload photos again. So excited that i just kept uploading and uploading. Flashbacks of my holidays, all at the end of the post*

rain rain rain rain rain...........

the weather these days are just terrific for a snuggle under the big warm blanket. As good as it is in providing the much needed coolness after a whole year of heat, sometimes it ain't that perfect either cuz everywhere just get so damp and humid such that it became a conducive environment for fungus growth. Man......i was only away for 2 weeks. 1st time that i didn switch on the fan while i was away, windows were closed. 1st, i realised some old clothes at the back of the closet has tiny white spots on them. Took out the whole load and wash them inside out. Then when i was about to head to bed, realised one of the pillow case which was covered at one corner turned damp and mouldy too. GOSH! 2 am, and i was changing bedsheets and matress cover and pillow case all over. That's not just it....today, i realised some of my shoes which i left near the door in my room was mouldy too!! That includes my sampan. Damn damn damn....damn the mushrooms. damn the fungus...whatever they are. In the end, i have to throw away my sampan and another pair of sandals. I seriously dunno how to clean my sampan. Spray it with water? it'll prob turn worse. It's jsut nice. Wore it for a year. Been thru shines and rain, and mud of cuz. i think it's time to go. So i bade my sampan farewell.

alright there...what's next...tell me! irritating mushrooms. Now i'm paranoid about getting any wet stuff in my room. stay away. It should be just dry and dryer.

class started today. my first class for the sem was petroleum refinery. Surprising it's interesting. Initially i was still having doubts about taking it since i bidded it initially as a backup. There're many times during the bidding rounds when i feel like just clicking on the drop button. How i ended up choosing and bidding for this module was really a twist of event. Couldn decide on an extra module which i plan to take, wt and april persuaded me to bid for it together. In the end, i was the one who got it and they were outbidded! How ironic. Anywayz, it's taught by practising engineer from src (singapore refining company, fyi). The guy's pretty good. So i think i'll just hold on to it. The electives bidding this time round was pretty crazy. Literally showhand mania. 4000 points....where did they get all those bloody points from? Well, luckily i wasn't really a victim of this frenzy. I got modules which i wanted. Only regret was that i didn get to take a 2nd marc garland's module as planned :( AND, i'm not gonna specialize anymore. it used to be my dream, or rather this lil' bit of motivation which kept me clinging on to when i was in year 1, to specialize in pharmaceutical. Year 3, they told us they changed the name to biomolecular. Somehow the selected technical electives changed a bit. My mentality changed a bit too. Aint that interested in lsm modules. Somehow i find it too 'bio' for me. Specialization in biomolecular sounded too.....academic as well.

I guess my mentality did change, my preferences changed as well. Changed with the environment. Changed with the modules which i was exposed to. Changed with the teachings in chem engin for 4 years. Nothing bad. I'm pleased in a way. I'm learning to be practical. Unknowingly, i'd already accepted it. Year 1 i used to sit in the LT and wonder why on earth am i listening to this kinda technical lecture, i should be learning something bio. Year 4 i'm taking petroleum refinery, unit op in pharma, membrane science, biochem eng, downstream processing (during exchange), chemical and biocatalysis. All of them are my choice. My own choice. I chose them over lsm modules which says: molecular biotechnology, bio-instrumentation....etc. One way or another, they are somehow related to the bio and pharma field. But i guess at least they sound more like industrial applications....heh. So i'm not upset over not being able to specialize. So far, i'm happy with all my choices :) (alright, besides chem and biocatalysis, which i will only know of tmr)

met up with my cousins yesterday in chinatown for a buffet steeamboat dinner. It was 20 bucks. quite expensive, but we had our fill. Somehow it's just great to have steamboat for dinner. Had it the chinese style and it was great. Hearty laughter and chats with my good ol cousins. It's the 1st time all of us met up in singapore despite 2 of them had been working here for 2 year already.

It's nice to be back on campus when school starts. See people swarming everywhere. Meeting familiar old faces. Goin to lecture theatres. Catching up with good ol friends. Seeing the whole cohort after one year of exchange and IA pursuit. Rushing for classes. Somehow school seems particularly great this time round. Wonder why.

Miss home too: my 2 silly crazy bros, pop and mom. Miss holz: the wonderful vacation, the ppl i'd met, that sparkle. Miss Cat, Mons and Siao: our short but sweet cosy moments spent.

Looking forward to cny: New year shopping with wei, then Mons; reunion dinner with family and all cousins; Sec school and primary school class gatherings.

Looking forward to blue sunny skies: Well, let it rain for a few more days.....and just stop before chinese new year. Holidays and happy occasions should always be spent under blue sunny skies :)

2006-01-12T12:06:00.000+08:00

xmas eve partay

2006-01-12T12:04:00.000+08:00

china trip

2006-01-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

woohoo...finally get to load photos...see holiday photos at end of post :)

2006-01-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

miss shanghai

2006-01-12T00:11:00.001+08:00

meow and i

2006-01-12T00:11:00.000+08:00

i love the gardens in suzhou

2006-01-12T00:09:00.000+08:00

xmas eve again

2006-01-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

silly bro

2006-01-12T00:07:00.002+08:00

only get this once in a year ok

2006-01-12T00:07:00.001+08:00

poor us

2006-01-12T00:07:00.000+08:00

pretty nanjing

2006-01-12T00:03:00.001+08:00

me with pop and mom in nanjing

2006-01-12T00:03:00.000+08:00

my new friends from shanghai trip

2006-01-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

my bro is smiling...gosh..rare

2006-01-12T00:00:00.001+08:00

crazy with sprays

2006-01-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

short but sweet gathering

thoughts for 2006

2006-01-07T00:59:00.000+08:00

it's already friday. I wasn't really prepared, but next week i'm gonna go back to school. The end of this holidays marked the end of some things and the start of some other things for me. Whichever that is, i think i'll remember this holidays. Things which happened, people whom i'd met, things which stirred my mind, my thoughts, places where i went to...... yup, it's labelled winter 2005.

It's a brand new year, but i seemed to have stopped in 2005. Kept mistakingly telling people next year, when i meant 2006. Well, there's always a transition to change isn't it. What i always do at the end of a year, is to look back and reflect upon myself, think about the people and the things which had been significant to me. 2005, somehow i didnt. Maybe it was a rather ordinary year. Maybe 2005 was a preparatory year for me to advance further for my goals, for a new change, for a new beginning. Maybe 2005 was a year for me to stop and look around at my familiar surroundings after thrills and exposure from another unfamiliar place which used to be far far away from me. And maybe i grew a greater sense of appreciation towards people, my life and my surroundings. So there is nothing exciting to share about, nothing spectacular to boast about, but somehow i still feel satisfied and fulfilled. I'm just thankful for a smooth sailing 2005. Looking back, i can really say that i've no regrets, (major ones, at least).

What's in store for 2006, i am anticipating. Sometimes overly-worried; Sometimes optimistic. I would very much like most things to stay the same for now, but i guess we gotta move on eventually. So i'm already mentally preparing myself. I guess it became easier to accept when i recognize my path or rather, where am i headed to. Was telling mons and chiew, as much as i will miss school life after i graduate, given a chance to stay for another sem, or a few more years to study....i would not agree. I'm ready for the workforce. I'm saying it based on an empty shell now, but i hope 4 months away from now, i'll be saying it with confidence and pride given my capabilities then.

2006, i predict, will be an exciting year ahead. A year full of changes. No matter what else changes, i hope, and i know the kinship, friendship, love and care which i have will stay the same, and maybe stronger :) Thankful that loved ones are healthy, safe and happy, no matter where they are.

This may sound like a beauty pageant kinda answer, but my wish for 2006 would be a safe year. Free from natural disasters, wars and diseases. Doesnt sound too realistic, but man! it's a wish...it's supposed to sound idealistic. Heh...suddenly dawned upon me that nowhere is actually safe on earth nowadays. Even the geography which i used to know from textbooks that Malaysia is situated in a very strategic spot, free from natural disasters, being the neutral spot in amidst of the volcanic region.....hmm...maybe we're not so sure about that anymore too. Maybe more people should start realising how minor some disputes and conflicts are compared to these problems the earth is facing; start realising how minute lives are in the eye of the natural forces.

2006, 24 years old. I never imagined i could reach this that fast. Let alone how life would be. I'm still very much a student leading a campus life for now, contented with little joys and appreciation in life. Throughout the years, i never changed much, did i?

Half a year later, there'll bound to be a major upheaval, when i hopped onto the bandwagon, towards the reality of life. Maybe my life will change, maybe i'll still very much be myself, maybe i'll be stressed, maybe i'll be depressed, maybe i'll be surprised, maybe i'll be confused, maybe i'll be more energised and motivated with my new life, or maybe, i'll get an answer to why chances and twist of fate had lead me to chemical engineering in singapore instead of dentistry in australia. Honestly, as much as i don't feel that regret so much now, i'm still dying to know that answer. Instead of a 'wrong' decision, i would rather believe that somewhere along this path which i'm headed to, there's something waiting ahead.

Oohh....what a post tonight. it started with the end of my holidays. Maybe when you know something good is slipping away from your fingers real soon, and u can do nothing to stop it from goin away, ur mind just start wandering further and further. Yes, end of winter 2005 holidays. Brand new year, brand new start....haha....*stretch*... maybe i should start working on DP soon eh, so i'll have something to account for to my groupmates. Too many maybes tonight. I'll go to sleep, that's the first sure thing. The 2nd sure thing, 4 more days to the end of holidays and i can still enjoy myself. My life is brilliant. I can't help but to say this ;)

2006

2006-01-03T15:27:00.000+08:00

2006. i reached my 2nd 12th year. Hao was lamenting how hard it must be to wait 12 years. And i told him i'd already reached my 2nd one. I just can't help but to say this again: how time flies. Especially when i looked back to Vancouver 1st night, it's as if it was just a few months ago. No new year resolution this year. Just like any other year. But i wish for good luck every year...hehe. I think i need it especially this year, for job hunting. That's probably one of the most traumatizing affair i think i'll encounter for this new year. 1st day of new year, i woke up with a dream about me goin for a job interview. eh...what kinda omen is that.

It hasn't ended yet, but this holiday is probably one of my best holidays ever. Got to travel, spent ample time with family, met up and had some quality time with my best buddies, satisfied with results, got stuff which i want, met new ppl. I really appreciate it. Though i think it's goin a bit too fast.

Met Mons and Siao on new year day. heh.....i love siao cuz she brings me gifts....haha. My favourite lindt truffles and she gave me missy higgins. I supposed that's meant as a surprise, but sotong, i have the cd already! hehe.....Anywayz, it's still cool, cuz i realised the US album version is different from the one that i have. It's so remarkable :P Just too bad this weekend wasn't spent with mons the way we wanted it to be...heh. But anywayz, i promise to be back during new year. I was jealous when i heard the 3 girls went shopping in KL...without me :( heh...with zara sales.. I was itching for retail therapy again.....cny's coming! Chiew came for a stay over at my house yesterday. It was really great time spent. We were looking thru photographs since primary school. We really have an amazing collection of shared memories together...it's just so awesome. The class photos from standard 1-6, form 1-5. She's in every one of them. The most fun part was probably naming all our standard 1 classmates. I think we did pretty well by complementing each other's memories on that :P Then we looked at the photos of the 4 of us, coommenting how much each of us had changed over the years. We concluded that siao changed the most. heh....from her geeky loook to the now-feminine male magnet :P

it's ironic how the 4 of us spent time 3x3. We seemed to be cursed, 4 minus one all the time (san que yi). No matter what we do, where we are. heh. just like this time. First, i was absent in KL, then chiew was absent when siao came to Kluang, then siao was absent. Maybe our new year resolution should be a reunion for 4 in the year to come :) Btw, chiew got the intel offer. So cool. You know she never changed much all these years, the way she talks, the things she shares, the way how we spend time together.....everything is just the same as ever...but at some points, somehow this woman in front of me seemed to be a stronger and more capable individual in contrast to her 'seemingly innocent' appearance.

anyway, i'm gonna put an abrupt end to this entry cuz my bed's beckoning me for my lazy nap. This is how life is back home. Totally slackish. I just hope i won't put on too much weight after this, especially with all the chocolates storing in the fridge :P

post xmas

2005-12-28T16:03:00.000+08:00

It wasn't a white christmas.
There was no christmas tree; there was no gifts exchange; there was no santa; there wasn't any warm cosy fire place nor christmas lightings either. But i totally enjoy my christmas!

What's christmas without your close ones and friends? What's christmas without a warm and heartening catching up with old school mates? Oh, and what's christmas without a booze with ur old friends in your sweet old familiar old town!

Somebody asked me, what's my christmas wish? The top of my list was a christmas buffet dinner in a nice hotel, catching up with my old friends :) 2nd item on my list was the zara skirt that i tried on with cat the other day. I got my 1st wish. I think i'll grant myself the 2nd wish too, later, perhaps. Anywayz, christmas eve was spent exactly the way i wanted it to be. I definitely didnt expect it, but it turned out great. After our cosy christmas eve meal, we met up with the rest of the guys. Kluang is after all a small town. The happening pubs were all full. In the end, we ended up in this nice cafe/pub, which was a joint venture of this group of guys who graduated from the same batch in SJM. It was nice to see good old faces.

Had a great time catching up, fooling around with the party sprays and a lil bit of booze. In the end, all of us ended up with residues of the colourful party sprays on our hair and clothes. Ks's car was even nicely 'decorated with the colourful festive mood ;)

I must say that it wasn't really a rocking xmas celebration, but every part of it contributes this lil bit of merriness, warmth and cosiness. I guess that matters most to me :)

Side note though, one thing about meeting up with ur old sec school friends after a loooong looong time, u'll tend to hear shocking news. I had enuff of my share of shocking news this holidays...hehe. So far i heard one classmate getting married, few seniors of a year older than me getting engaged, one classmate who had her 3rd baby...etc..etc.....Man...this is so scary. My world is still very far away from there. I tried to imagine, to reach that state of mind..ah..i can't even imagine myself being there at all. Yea...it's THAT FAR away. I'm still at a stage of figuring where my path will lead to in the next couple of years; I'm still at a stage of anticipating a working life with contradicting emotions; I'm still at a stage with bold curiousity, eager to venture the world. Settling down with a family, even the thought of being together with somebody for the rest of my life would be the last thing on my mind for now. Well, of cuz that doesn mean that i'm ruling any special someone out of my life completely. Anyway, it's somehow kinda wierd to see how lives can be so different from oone another's after the crossroads. And maybe how far apart we're from each other right now.

well, anywayz.....finally after rounds and rounds of running here and there, i think i can finally rest my butt here in kluang for the next 2 weeks. Just bumming around and doin nothing. Oops...ok, maybe not doin nothing, cuz dp topic is out already :( But well, at least i get to spend time with my family.

2 more days to christmas

2005-12-23T00:51:00.001+08:00

loads to blog, but i'm pretty sleepy now. So let's c how much i can write.

so many things happened for the past week. Oh, and i haven't even updated my shanghai and suzhou trip. Drats... Trip back to penang was pretty fruitful too. Managed to catch up with my cousins, aunties and uncles, of cuz, got to visit my dear grandma too. Ok, well, i caught Narnia in penang...yes RM8. A midnight show somemore with zhengyang, ashton and hao. SSShhh...don't tell teresa, cuz i promised her to watch it together. And yes, i'm gonna watch it again.

Today was my presentation recording. I think i kinda screwed it. Well, it was partly my fault, and partly the logistics fault. I didn know i won't have the slides. I didn know i won't have something in front of me to lay my notes. I made some changes to some sections from my previous presentation. I didn memorize definitely. I always don't anywayz. But with all the studio lights and camera on me. I see nothing and my mind was blank at some points. Good that some of the parts are still good. Anywayz, dr sadorra will take the best portions of it only. There's nothing at stake, nothing to lose. Just disappointed with my performance. Failed my own standards again. So when will i learn to prepare at least a few days before my presentation rather than the night before?

well, on another note, i like my formal attire today...hehe. I bought a new PDI striped shirt from Penang which was on 50% sales. Matched it with mango pants, a belt and heels. Hah. I didn expect the mng pants to match it well as formal but with the belt, it made a difference. Mum has good taste i must say. She was the one who made me buy the Mng pants instead of the working pants which totally doesn suit me.

It was my first time with heels, to be honest. At least heels which are thinner than the usual ones which i wear occasionally for presentation. And i think there was quite a blunder. Was walking up this flight of stairs. Normally i'll just step on the steps with the front part of my foot, leaving the heel part half hanging behind. It wouldn be a problem normally cuz i always wear flat shoes. So today, i did the same thing, totally forgetting that the heels that i'm wearing is the slim kind. Somehow it got hooked and the whole shoe came off. I think it's damn embarassing. Embarassing because i'm all dressed up nicely and then one side of ur shoe has to fly off down the stairs....haha. Luckily no one saw this ordeal. By the time i got up the flight of stairs from yih leading to engin bridge, i was sweating like a pig, although the weather was cool.
Though i think i do look good with heels, but i just have to say, it's such a chore to wear heels!

Chiew's back!!!! this cat! She arrived last night. Met up today in holl v in swensens for ice cream. nicee....it was cosy catching up but it's definitely not enough. And my stupid schedule today kinda screwed, partly due to the rain as well. But anyway, i'll see her again tmr :D So looking forward to it. My best friend since primary one and my classmate for the whole of primary and sec school years.

Dr Tong threw a bbq party tonight. It was so sweet of him and his wife to go thru the trouble. It aint easy. All the postgrads were there, and there were more who joined the big family. The RP students from this sem are pretty cool and easy goin too. In fact we knew each other, more or less seen each other b4, so it wasn't hard to gel and chat. Together with sengkeat and teresa, all of us had a very wonderful time bbq-ing at the poolside, cracking silly jokes, reminiscing lab moments. There was a gift exchange session after that in dr Tong's house. His mum made us tang yuen cuz it was dong zhi. OMG, it was such a warm and cosy gathering. Looking at this batch of RP students talking about lab and seeing shihtak, chaoren, jeremy and xinhao all together again, kinda made me envy. It somehow gave me an urge to return to the great lab days last sem. Yea, it was pretty busy and bad when it comes to rushing datelines and not getting results, but like what i'd said, lab days are one of my most cherished moments on campus, and i will always be thankful for the wonderful lab 'family' whom i gotten to know under Dr Tong.

good day today. Time for bed.

back on the island

2005-12-11T00:42:00.000+08:00

the hello thingy i use to upload my pic is not working. Hell. Anywayz, i'd already uploaded my trip photos onto ofoto. Tell me if u wanna see it eh ;) Still have shanghai and suzhou....not a good time to update now. when i'm back home eh.

*loooooooong groaaan*.....i'm back in singapore. Came back for a few purposes: finish rp; op recording; work; meet up ppl whom i promised to go out with. Then i realised there's gonna be a major upheaval to my original plan. Op recording's gonna be on 22nd dec. Drats....suddenly i just got this feeling like.....then y am i back here man!

Anyway, i'm leaving the island on tuesday, and i'm flying to another island (penang, hehe) on thursday. initially planned to spend christmas in KL with chiew and mons. But i guess since i gotta be back on 22nd, might as well spend christmas here in singapore. tentatively that's the plan. I guess not goin KL anymore. Spent enuff money for the holiday. really.

orchard, is like my 2nd home for the past 2 days. I came back at around 4+ yesterday. Went out at 7 to meet wt in orchard for dinner. I met one of her primary school mates, huiying. She's a real bubbly and fun person to be with. We had so much of food, the new wisma atria foodcourt is really cool, we got a window side seat, with the glittering christmas lightings view. Dazzling cool.

was out the whole day in orchard again today. Yea, i wonder how i survive the crowd too. madness. Initially planned to stay in my room and pathetically do rp report. Then decided to get wz out for dinner, since we haven't hang out together for ages. Instead, it was decided as lunch appointment instead cuz he needs to catch liverpool in EPL at night *roll eyes*. Recommended pepper lunch to him. Heh....and to no surprise, he loves it ;) Well, what can i say, try pepper steak in pepper lunch. fabulouos plus loads of creativity ;) We did crazy shopping. Initially it was just trying out outrageous outfits. Loud colourful prints, retro design, mix and match. In the end, i fell in love with one seed top. It's gorgeous. And i decided to give myself an advanced christmas gift :)

met teresa dear for dinner later on. Had Mos for dinner, and went to coffee club, hid at one corner to chill and chat for 2 hours. it's a good getaway from the crowd and all the walking and shopping :P wow. Long day. So tiring.

my holiday life sounds more and more like a tai tai eh. Damn....what a spendhrift i am. I have no choice but to go back to prof chung's lab on monday and tues to work. Will try to work as many hours as i can, so that my spending habits can be justified. Frantically called roy up too, for a piano lesson this tues morn, so that i can get that part of income too. Ah...no choice....too much to spend on, too little to spend with.

my carefree days

2005-12-07T13:12:00.000+08:00

i am just procrastinating too much.

Time flies when u are too busy with work. Time flies too when u're having a hella good time. Surprisingly, time flies even when u're just bumming around with nothing much to do, and bored to tears.

i can't really say i have nothing to do, cuz there're in fact plenty. I just tend to keep postponing it. For instance, NOW. At least i could have written the acknowledgement section, the reference section, or even my script if i couldn bring myself to touch the statistical analysis part. THis sucks. And honestly it didn help much even though parents are not around. Past few days had been quite carefree. Oops, i'm aint supposed to reveal that i'm home alone with my bro. But anywayz, san yi's coming today with ashton. They're gonna touch down in changi airport and then take a train here. So, end of my carefree days. One day in advance before my parents return.

In a way i'm glad. I was bored stiff. It's nice to have the whole house to urself when u can get buddies over to bum thru the night. It's nice to not have parents around when u can have both cars to yourself and drive out anytime to meet up with buddies. It's even nicer when u can hog on the phone for the whole day with someone not worrying about ur mum and ur dad spying on your conversation. Yea, so nice eh. But too bad, i did none of these :( And my dear bro contributed to my boredomness by going out to play at an early hour of 3pm, coming back only at 7pm. I can only seek solace with my laptop, and maybe sometimes the tv. Otherwise i'll sleep to my fill. pathetic. But funny enough, i'm learning to enjoy this space to myself, nearing the end. It's rare, especially at home.

Pictures of china trip is in my laptop. Just too bad that it's gonna take a long time if i wanna upload it. So, be patient eh. lemme see....i still have shanghai and suzhou to update. Entry on these two are gonna be pretty exhausting. two cities which i enjoyed a lot. Lotsa things happened. Well, let's not get started now. i'm lazy.

wu xi and nanjing

2005-12-05T10:20:00.001+08:00

* either something is wrong with picasa, or the connection is just simply limited. I guess i'll have to upload the photos when i'm back in hall. Sorry to keep u occupied in the mean time with a lot of words*

this is rather wierd. I haven't been recieving any mails at all in my NUS mail for the past 2 days. So wierd that i have to send an email to my own account to test whether anything's wrong.

Dr Sadorra haven't emailed me about the time. That's good. The later the better. I don't wanna go back!

26th nov 2005

we bade farewell to hangzhou and cute tour guide; and embarked on our 2 hours ride to wu xi. Wu xi is our tour guide, xun's hometown. Never really had any impression of wu xi beforehand. Wondered what's so fascinating about the city. Then i found out, the main attraction there was the pearls and taihu, the largest lake in china. As huge as 4 singapore island. Wuxi is suprisingly more modern and prosperous than what i thought. A lot of construction goin on. Modern buildings, condos.

presumption 4: Only shanghai and beijing are modern developed cities.
Let's leave shanghai out of the picture momentarily. At least the cities in jiangnan which i came across so far, all the cities were pretty well developed, contrary to my beliefs. A very high degree of urbanization, in fact, the rapid modernization might have overtook some major cities in Malaysia. From xun's information, jiangnan (the southern part of chang jiang) is one of china's most prosperous regions. Moreover the heart of china's economic and financial development lies in shanghai, one of the most modern cities in asia.

Well, alright. let's come back to wuxi. Our first destination of wuxi was this temple with the largest buddha statue. Chinese are after all chinese. (what am i saying?!), everything's about fengshui. The place where this ling shan da fo was placed, apparently has very good fengshui with surrounding mountains and taihu. After which we visited this place called san guo cheng. This is where the chinese show, san guo yan yi (was it called the romance of 3 kingdoms?) was taken. Yet another 'ancient kingdom' with all the ancient settings and props. I guessed the biggest gain of this visit was again the insightful dramatic story of san guo yan yi. The day ended pretty early. Some of the folks wanted to go for full body massage (traditional authentic ones). Ey, talking about massage, each room tend to get 'special calls' on occasional nights. The night in Hangzhou, i was already halfway thru my dreams when this stupid irritating phone rang with this gentle feminine voice asking: 'Wei, qing wen yao ma sa ji ma?' (hello, would u like a massage) Apparently they'll keep quiet when they hear it's a female voice. At least that's what the other girls and the tour guide told me. Well, maybe i do sound like a guy when i got woken up by this kinda call..heh.

Visited the pearl factory the next day. heh. Dad bought me and mum a pretty pearl necklace each. I never thought highly of pearls. Well, in fact i never thought very highly of jewellery, to the extent sometimes i question why women are willing to spend a bomb for diamonds, pearls, jade. Then i realised, things change, people change and mindsets change. I like my necklace. It's a violet pearl with platinum chain. It's so simple at the glance of it but when u put it on ur neck, with the colours contrasting alongside the skin colour, the beauty and elegance of the pearl necklace is beyond words. That's what i like about it, the simplicity and its elegance. Trust me, the pearl factory is like women's heaven.

It wasn't only till the 2nd or 3rd day when i really started mingling with my fellow tour group mates. The two ladies (sisters) were fun and interesting. It was only later when i realised one of them was already a mum. Gosh. I originally thought the 2 teenage girls were pretty shy to talk until one of them came up to me and initiate a conversation. Guess what, they thought i was 18. *roll eyes* u know times like this, i really wonder whether i should take it as a compliment or not. In fact this wasn't the only time. The lady tour guide in suzhou (which i'm gonna talk about later) thought i was 16 or 17. When i first entered uni at the age of 20, i was happy when ppl commented i look like a 17 year-0ld. As i grew way past 21, it dawned upon me that maybe it wasn't much of a compliment after all eh, that i look like a teenager. Anywayz, i'm glad that my tour group mates are really nice people. There's teacher from chonghwa 2 who's pretty chatty. The 2 pretty aunties are rather funny too. We call one of them da jie, cuz she's always throwing sarcastic remarks to the tour guide. There's this uncle (ok, awkwardly called him uncle, after all he's already a dad of 4) who looked pretty young together with his wife (who looked young too) who's very warm, friendly and chatty. Our group leader, eugene is a pretty nice chap too. In fact i think he's pretty charming too. Didn really talked much with him till we were in nanjing and shanghai. Maybe cuz of the close age, it's easy to strike a conversation when it comes to schools, friends whom we know...etc. There're times when i'll feel kluang is a small town when it comes to connection, but ironically, at times, it's amazing despite how small it is, there're just people who're actually staying not too far away, or hanging out around the same area where u always hang out at but whom u've never seen before throughout ur years.

The days during the trip flew past quickly. I lost track of the days, the dates, and sometimes even the time. I mean, y bother when things are already pre-arranged nicely :) and so, before i knew it, we were already at our 3rd stop, nanjing. The date, i didn bother remembering. Nanjing is special because of its rich historical background, the tragedy which shamed china, the stones. maybe also becuz it's yudong's hometown, so it had my attention. Yea, heh...another of my coursemate. Honestly i enjoyed Nanjing. Would have love it even more if not for the guide. Our local guide for nanjing was this lady called huang rong. HAHA. She's pretty, good complexion, young, modern, with this pair of pink cool specs. Probably she's not humorous enuff, there's this distance felt. Our group appeared pretty quiet in her presence. well, i'll give credit to her effort, she's pretty good, but it's just that we couldn really adapt to her style. Went to sun yat sen's memorial, climbed a good flight of stairs of....hm....what was the number again. One of the many attractions which fascinated me in nanjing would be the bridge which sprawled across chang jiang. The history and the background behind this old yet magnificent bridge brought about a sense of pride. It was built in one of china's most difficult period however the construction was completed, without foreign assistance, only depending on whatever the people have to offer, despite hardships and poverty, against all odds for a project deemed to be impossible at that time. I truly applaud the determination.

Nanjing fu zi miao was good news for the majority of the ladies in our group, cuz it's shopping time. heh. The chinese architecture and lights were more interesting to look at, i think. Not much use of winter wear eh; Boots and shoes there were not my cup of tea either; Cds there were mostly pirated, dirt cheap; unique handicrafts which i was looking for were not of a wide variety though. But it was cool walking around.

Well, should i mention it as a regret? but anyway, the nanjing massacre memorial was not part of our tour. One thing due to time constraints. Another, i had a feeling that they're somehow reluctant to mention this tragic part of history. At least ms huang didn talk about it much. When we asked xun, he did tell us some of the very brutal cruelty that the chinese suffer. I heard that the visit to the memorial yielded depression. Probably cuz of that, they'd rather skip that part. After all, it's a tour, for relaxation, leisure and pleasure.

*stretch* let's take another break......
to be continued......

wuzhen and hangzhou

2005-12-05T10:20:00.000+08:00

*updated* Continued with wuxi and nanjing

as i promised.

There were many 'first times' for this trip. First time to china; first time on a tour group; first time with a tour guide. I admitted i was excited about the trip, but i didn dare to carry any expectations or hope. Deep down, i'd prepared myself with some presumptions. For the worst :P. But well, i must say it turned out totally different. Yea, one by one, my previous mindset and mentality changed.

well, where should i start. Chronologically perhaps. *rewind*

23rd Nov, 7 am.

Yea, i got ready at a freaking hour of 7 am. Barely even 4 hours of sleep, but well, heck. Rainy morning. People still mugging around in YIH. Took a train back home. Got back at around 11am. Holy cow! to my surprise, instead of leaving at 12 midnight which i assumed previously, we were supposed to leave at around 6pm that day itself. This was really crazy i thought.

Presumption Number 1: Ah-ma and Ah gong group
This is a very typical picture which comes to mind when it comes to a tour group to china. Well, maybe not to the extreme of ah-ma and ah-gong, but i assumed most of the people will be of my parents' age, or perhaps older. And i assumed my bro and i will be the youngest in the group. Secretly i had already prepared for the worst. Imagine walking along the hippest nanjing road in shanghai with a group of...yea...u can expect how that's like.

There were 16 of us in the tour group. 17 including the group leader, who's a 25 years old tall lanky young lad, eugene. There were 2 families. my own family of 4 and another family of 4 with 2 cute teenage daughters aged 14 and 16. Cool. There were also this pair of sisters aged 23 and 25. The other 6 were made up of 2 couples in their late 30s-40s and this pair of mothers who looked damn young (i later found out they were actually near their 50s). He-eeey, no ah-ma and ah-gong! And in fact some of them looked real young that i got a bit paiseh calling them aunty or uncle without gritting my teeth.

Our flight was at 1.40am from KLIA. Another night without proper rest. flight took around 5 hours to Shanghai pudong international airport. Instead of catching my much needed rest, i watched 'Must love dogs', this john cusack movie on board...teehee.

And tada.....Pudong International Airport welcomes us!

Presumption No. 2: 5-10 degrees celcius is nothing compared to -30 in canada ok :P
Quote from a friend: there's no such things as too cold a weather, only whether u've dressed enough. Now, that is very true. I wouldn't say it's very cold. Given my big jacket, the weather is nothing (boo), but yea, being the complacent me, there're times when i feel the shivers down my spine cuz i was just wearing the normal hoodie. We were real lucky with the fact that the 8 days we were here, weather was really kind to us, with the lowest being prob around 5 and there were actually a few days with 18 degrees celcius. Perfect, really. No rain, blue skies.

Our chinese tour guide is another young lad, 30 years of age, xun. He's funny, cute and humorous. I must say he made a difference to the entire trip. It wouldn have been that enjoyable and insightful without him around. But honestly, i was telling myself, probably with the exception of china, this will be my first and last ever guided tour. Throughout the trip, i felt as if i was just following thru schedule and without control over anything. Think i still prefer the carefree kinda backpacking style :) Having said that though, i truly appreciate the tour guide for this trip, really.

And so, as the sheep being led around, we boarded on this bus which we're gonna travel on for the 8 days we were there. Our first stop wasn't shanghai, instead it was this place called wu zhen. It's an ancient old town with rivers running through the backyard. 2 hours ride away from pudong. Tourist attraction. Imagine all the tourists, cameras, tour groups, tour guides, tour buses. Yea...more or less that. It's a pretty quaint town. Very typical chinese architecture. The population in this town are truly the ah-ma and ah-gong type. Very ancient way of lifestyle, but there're too exceptions of modern interior decor contrasting strongly with old wooden houses. I was surprised by the very-much-lack privacy by the town dwellers where tourists on the streets can just take a peek into their daily lives. The entire town was very unique, different yet somewhat familiar. I wouldnt say i was overwhelmed by its beauty, but it is an eye opener. Especially when it feels so real to experience those buildings that we often see from the chinese dramas.

Ah....forgot to mention the toilets. Heh....yea, that leads to my 3rd presumption.
Presumption 3: No doors/ undesirable hygiene conditions in toilets.
Well, strike off the No-doors, cuz throughout the entire trip, toilets were all equipped with DOORS...haha. As for the hygiene of the toilets, to my surprise, most of them, i said most were in fact satisfactory. Yea, it's cool.

we departed for hangzhou that very afternoon after wuzhen. Along the way, we passed by fields and the countryside of china. It didn look that kampung i thought. I was dozing off until we reached hangzhou. Hangzhou is a beautiful city. The thought of hangzhou reminded me of wang han, this cool pretty coursemate of mine. It was only about 4+ pm but it was like dusk. I suddenly remembered the winter days in canada when skies start to darken at around 5pm. Maybe it was the entire misty feel around xihu; maybe it was the beautiful neon lights which start to light up along the streets, or maybe it was the cafes and elegant restaurants that lined the streets alongside xihu; the entire city exudes an elegant charm of romantiscm.

We had dinner in one of the restaurants. It was kinda freezing, but bearable. We were introduced to our hangzhou local guide (chinese tour guide system is quite interesting, i must say) who'll bring us around hangzhou together with our 'quan pei' xun. Our hangzhou guide, kang, hoh, he's damn good looking. Think he's probably in his late 20s. Contrary to most of the local chinese, he's pretty tanned with charming eyes and smile. He speaks with this very decent and cultured accent which adds on to his charm. and please, NO, i wasn't mesmerized by him, but i think most of the aunties were :P And my, he got a sweet tongue. E.g. psychoing the aunties to hold his hands if they're scared while crossing the road *faint*

oh, fyi, chinese drivers are horrendous. Really. The tour guides kept telling us that the zebra crossing in china are meant for zebras, not for pedestrians and drivers. It was my worst nightmare to cross the roads in china.

we had an early night. went to bed at 9am. Hah. It's such a pity to miss the night life or a cafe chill-out session in such a beautiful city like hangzhou, but well, when u're dead beat, nothing beats a warm bath and cosy bed.

25th Nov
Morning call was at 6.30am. Freaking early. gotta catch a boat trip around xihu. So-called one of china's most beautiful lake. And one of the most romantic lake where the legendary bai she zhuan happened. It was pretty misty early in the morning, but it's quite breathtaking. It was a relaxing boat ride. Saw duan qiao (the bridge). Not the right season to come and see the spectacular snow paved bridge. Anywayz, the trees were red and yellow in their autumn colours. Not as spectacular as algonquin, but nevertheless, it's another form of charm, the chinese kind :P

Hangzhou is called the garden city. Main attractions were the gardens. So the itinerary for the day revolved around garden, lakes, flowers, nature. Oh, and the tea village. The tea village was breathtaking. And we ended up with loads of green tea to drink for the year :P We visited yue wang temple where they honoured yue fei, the legendary hero. Had heard about parts and bits of stories of yue fei when i was in primary school, i guess this trip to the temple completed the picture. If there's something which i must mention about my primary school education, it must be the strong chinese cultural background inculcated from all the stories and history background from mr lee. From primary 4 to 6, lessons were never focused on the textbooks. I remembered myself enjoying fascinating stories about the chinese kingdoms, battle fields, legends and the empires. Not forgetting the stories behind all those chengyu. It's amazing how precise and beautifully chinese words can describe something with just 4 words. Looking back, i'm quite amazed with the chinese histories which i know of at that tender age despite the 'ang-moh' image many of my friends associated me with. Believe it or not, i know more than what i show :P

The highlight of hangzhou trip would be songchen show. Songchen is this ancient kingdom like tourist attractions. Everyone inside dresses up in ancient chinese costumes. Interesting sight. Songchen show combines theatrical, musical and acrobatics to bring tourists the legends and history which happened in hangzhou. I must say that the visual effects were terrific. The red lanterns which descends over the audience, the moving seats; At the bai she zhuan part, there were even 'rain' sprinkling over the audience. bravo for the show. I would have enjoyed it more if not for a vast majority of local/taiwanese audience who were talking, and some standing up in the midst of the show to catch a closer glimpse. One of the female tour guide from this taiwanese tour group was still tearing at the top of her voice when the show had already started. The most disgusting part must be the spitting culture. Eww.... Believe it or not. After the show, when i turned back to look at the empty row behind us, there were spats and spits left infront of the seats. Gross gross gross. Nevertheless, hangzhou trip ended beautifully.

My only regret in hangzhou would probably be not able to catch a chill-out session in one of the pretty cafes along xihu :P Yea, it still didn work out the 2nd evening. Probably there'll be a 2nd time to hangzhou, years later maybe. Much much later.

Maybe some pictures before i continue further. Oh, if u're looking forward to a picture of my good-looking hangzhou tour guide, kang, i'm sorry to disappoint you. No photos snapped of him. It's just wierd to go up to him and say, hey, can i take a pic with u. Anywayz, i'm just too proud to let him know that he's cute :P

2005-12-04T15:03:00.000+08:00

shanghai

post trip

2005-12-04T14:30:00.000+08:00

am back :) My jiangnan trip, 1st trip to china was awesome. Went to 5 cities: Shanghai, Nanjing, Suzhou, Hangzhou, and Wuxi. Many gains....heh....that include shopping gains :) But i guess most importantly, the trip changed my original perception of china. Heh...chinese history is interesting. Too many updates on the trip, feeling kinda lethargic to blog everything about it right now. Right now, i'm still 'recuperating'. From the excitement, from the lack of sleep, from the switch of a hectic daily tour schedule to my laidback lazy days at home.

And maybe to pull myself away from this fantasy dreamland back to reality. This is rather disturbing and distracting.

I still can't settle back to work. I don't exactly have many more days before i hand in my final report. There's no precise deadline but darn.....i need to finish it! Dr Sadorra still haven't confirmed the OP recording date. Well, not like i'm in a hurry, cuz i'm not prepared yet. So here's another piece of work. Honestly i'm quite reluctant to budge. I made so many promises to so many ppl for the coming week before i disappear to penang for a long while again, but right now...i just feel....lethargic. Maybe it's just the sunday afternoon.

Chiew called yesterday morning. Siao called right after. That was fun, talking to both of them. Imagining both of them in cold cold america...heh. Think i'll call mons tonight. Haven't talked to her for ages.

Okie, lemme get a bit settled, and lemme quit this daunting wait for an impossible, before i gather my memories to share the fun and joy in jiangnan ;)

post exams entry

2005-11-23T01:56:00.000+08:00

and here i am, sitting here, trying to do as much as i can to chill, reluctant to go to bed still. That's always the case after exams. When u think u'll get more sleep after exams, it's just the exact opposite case. And YES, i finished exams. Woohoo! It's damn freaking fast. Till now, i still find it unbelievable. Somehow it just didn seemed much like exams to me. But hey, don't start throwing me all those envy looks cuz i did work earlier b4 study break, and there's no gap between the 1st 3 exams that i had. It was kinda like....All Da Way...... As for how i fare.... maybe we'll leave that question later.

Schedule's gonna be real hectic. Leaving tmr morning 7am to catch the train back home. I bet we'll be frantically packing stuff at home. Then i guess we'll be leaving by midnight to KLIA and catch the flight at 6am on 24th morning. It's crazy....heh. But yea, it's for a holiday. I doubt i'll get enuff rest tho....tonight's a gone case.....tmr... let's see.

paper was at 5pm today. 11-4 in the library was a loooong looong time. Yea, up to a point i just somehow wished i could just get it over and done with. It was a torture to wait till 5. It came eventually. And 2 hours passed by easily. Exams finally ended. In a way, I felt quite bad to be celebrating while others had barely even make it through the beginning. I think it must have felt even worse for my study buddies. It's pretty demoralising when u see someone whom u study with finish exams before you do. Hang in there!! u'll get there eventually.....just hang in there...a lil' bit more.

Went to have MOS for dinner in taka with martyn and linhao. The 3 of us had a great feast. It's amazing....it's as if we havent eaten for ages. the 3 of us shared 2 family size mussels (30 pieces in total), 4 burgers, 2 large peach tea (if u have an idea how large MOS's LARGE is), 1 medium peach tea and 2 fries. It just felt terrific to binge. After dinner, we headed to Holl V Breko for a booze. It wasn't much of drinking, more of chilling on the nice couches, to relax, chat and .....yea...just chill..u know...like u have all the time in the world to spare :P We were there for another reason: to celebrate martyn's birthday on 23rd!!

today's one of my greatest buddy's birthday: martyn!! Happy birthday dude!! thank you for the wonderful friendship and the very awesome companionship you offer at various times. It is such a blessing to have known you. Btw, i must say that i was quite overwhelmed with emotions when i read the letter. Maybe we haven't written to each other for a long time, so i guess it somehow feels close to heart. Can never thank you enough for everything. Sometimes you made me feel guilty by making me sound like an angel despite of some mean times i was to you. But well, we promised to 'kacau each other selama-lamanya'....so yea, i'm sorry u gotta stick with this mean friend for a very long long time.

My blog-ms-es:
Grass: was revising my subjects the other day when i saw the blackbook on my table. I picked it up, opened it, read it and felt as if time was turned back. It brought me thru memories from the start to the end and at the end of your message, suddenly i miss you a lot and the good old times. And at that point of time, i wished i was back to summer 2004. That explained the sms :P

Chiew: ey...call me after i'm back eh. Or if u want, u can call me tmr after 12noon malaysian time on my housephone, or my 012 phone. It's 28 more days before u come back. Oh, btw, we gotta make plans for christmas....tell me when u'll be in penang eh...i might be still there.

Siao: Thanks for your brainpower card...it was damn cute. I played it over and over again imagining that u're sending your brainpower to me :P Ey, u and mons in charge of our reunion plans eh...since both of u will be based in KL :P

And to all others, thien, martyn, yeeshan, mark, heikel....jia you!

i'll be off.....9 days....i'm looking forward to fun. No expectations but hoping for surprises :) I'll see whether i can bring some hot dudes and porcelain beauties (quote from felix) back. Pictures, i mean, of cuz.

2005-11-20T18:18:00.000+08:00

the a-bit-pathetic exam bdae cake :P

2005-11-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

dp gang!

2005-11-20T18:15:00.000+08:00

the 2 birthday stars with a lil' delicous brownie

2005-11-20T18:14:00.000+08:00

wacky and cranky

2005-11-20T18:13:00.000+08:00

the girls trio

2 more days

2005-11-20T17:38:00.000+08:00

the weather hasn't been that fabulous for a long time. It put a sleeping spell on me when i was in the library. So far, i only remembered twice when i felt this lethargic while in the library, and both times, it was a rainy morning. Probably i'm that sensitive to the weather eh. Nevertheless, the weather's really great after the rain. Breezy, cool, less humid and fresh :)

I went to the kitchenette earlier on to grab myself an apple from the fridge and i smell a wonderful aroma of hot steamy soup. I think it's beef. There were two cooks in the kitchenette. In that little space. One chinese couple (one cook) and another vietnamese girl. I don't know what they were cooking, but everything smell absolutely great! There're times when i'll complain about my neighbours cooking in the middle of the night...like...2 am? It doesn really bother me much except that when the smell comes into ur room, it either makes u extremely hungry, or it just turns u off cuz the smell fills up ur entire room and u go to sleep in 'greasiness'. Most of the time i'm fine with it, really. cuz my windows are widely opened anyway. At times like this on a sunday in hall, the cooking just made me miss mum's cooking. I'm not exactly a very particular person when it comes to eating but it's especially on a sunday like this: stranded in hall, mugging, that made me feel that i'm deprived of good food. So it's korean noodles +apple+orange today for dinner. I shall bear with this....2 more days....just 2 more.

Well, alright, to be fair, i had quite a feast last night. It was kinda outrageous but yesterday i really felt as if i'd finished exams. I was bumming around in my room till 6 before i went to meet wt, april, lh and martyn. It's wt's bdae today (20th) and we decided to have a pre-celebration for her and martyn, whose bdae falls on the 23rd. We went to Breeks cafe in harbour front and yeh....we really had a good one there. Company was great, crap was hillarous and spontanous, i felt relaxed and nobody really bothered about the time. Amazing.....but it's a hell of a good break we had. Heh, although come to think of it, only lh and i are left with one paper...the other 3 barely even started their papers :P but well, exams come every semester, birthdays come once in 2 semesters...so..tada....justified :P

And so...today's miss tan's bdae...heh...happy 22nd bdae girl!!! *lotsa hugz* May the best things come your way and may your coming year be smooth sailing and filled with happiness. You've one of the most amazing personality i'd ever came across...and i'm really thankful and proud to have you as my buddy.

wandering mind

2005-11-19T13:40:00.000+08:00

ah hah....see what i'd said. It's unbelievingly fast. Yup, 3 papers down and one more to go! The past few days had been crazy. Not exactly as hectic as u might thought cuz i kinda finished revision prior to that. It's more of a final recap of everything. but still. Yea...it's the mental state of dragging yourself back to the library immediately after a paper and switch the studying mode to another module. I can't say that i did really well for all 3 papers. Well, probably average, but i guess i did what i could, maybe not the best, but yea....i'm pretty satisfied with what i'd gotten in me.

Yesterday was a tiring day. But when i tucked myself in bed eventually, my mind wandered off and i somehow got excited. Imagine. Wandered off to the end of exams, wandered off to shanghai, the cool weather and cold sensation that i'd not been experiencing for nearly a year, wear a scarf..haha......the beauty of another city and also the feeling of experiencing different cultures. Then it wandered to the holiday plans, wandered to my christmas feast with cat, wandered to seeing people i haven't been seeing for ages.

Few more days, one paper and loads of exciting stuff goin on. I can't wait. This semester kinda ended very abruptly. Or maybe i just didn realised how time flies. Everyone's seemed to be looking forward to christmas. It had never been a grand affair for me until last year, my 1st white christmas. And the good company definitely. Grass's goin montreal. I wished i could be in montreal again. It's such an elegant, creative and romantic city. But then again, living in cities like that, i need to be doing pretty well in order to enjoy my fair share of this classy lifestyle.

I have this vision of a yuppie lifestyle when i start working. Chill after a long day of work with friends in bars; lazy sundays, sit in a cafe with good music and a good book or stroll down along bookstores and music stores; take up some interesting courses to fill my life, maybe drawing or art; Dinner cooking session with my gang every weekend; Well, not forgetting a cosy comfy new room and flat with wei. It should be colourful, slackish style, cool and funky. wow. Life couldn't be better than that. It'll be an added incentive if i get to travel overseas for work every now and then. What more could i ask for?

In a way i'm worried that this rosy picture that i'd visioned will eventually falter and drown in a sea of overwhelming work load and physique limitations. But it's a vision which i'll strive to achieve. I think it's not that hard for me to enjoy life, it's just the way how i wished to enjoy it. Think i would love to pick up art and design. I'd accounted for my technical logical capabilities for money and reality; it'd be time then to fulfill and to discover the not-so-rational side of me. When i get to that point, i wonder what i'll think of life then. Life when i look back and life in the future. I wonder when will that point be when i decided that i should let loose my life and lead my life the way i wished to without qualms. And i wonder when that point comes, when i decide to gain full control of my life without compromise, will i come to realise precisely how is the way i want my life to be. And i wonder what will my choices be then. But then again, will there be such a point in my life?

Future is such a mystery. And it kept me wondering, thinking and anticipating. Younger times, we talk about dreams; before uni, we talk about ambitions; after uni, we talk about vision in lives and future; Some walked on ahead to the vision, some chose for a stable settling life; some gave up halfway but never stop wondering what exactly future holds if they had persisted on; while some others never really bothered and are jsut contented with present.

It's ultimately a matter of choice. A choice to see the big world, a wider horizon in you or to be just contented within the small cosy boundaries.

I wonder how will i be....

i'm here again

2005-11-17T19:30:00.000+08:00

know why am i updating my blog so frequently? heh. Cuz i aspire to revive my blog!

Today's mummy's birthday! The older i grew, the more i appreciate her, and the more i find her amazing. I'm glad our relationship took a turn for the better after my rebellious age and it had moved on further to an intimacy which we comfortably share it with each other. One of the most important person in my life, happy birthday and i love you!

The paper today was ok. Video clip took up half an hour, and before i knew it, i was only left with 45 min for the 2nd and 3rd section. Especially for the last section, i was practically scribbling nuts. Ah well. Dr Sadorra told me to prepare my presentation again for my favourite part, so that she could record it in studio....woh....i'm quite excited at that thought.

No doubt i finish exams at an extremely early date, i think i have a whole list of t0-dos during this holiday. It's seriously packed. Shanghai, Penang, RP report final touch up, this OP recording, friends visiting, girls gathering, class chalet......Damn, isn't the holiday too short?

i was reading ES text book yesterday and i came across this chapter of communication and the types of communicator based on the feedback and disclosure. 4 kinds: closed communication, blind communicator, hidden communicator and open communicator. I think i'm the hidden communicator. It's on a high feedback, low disclosure level. Which means i tend to be accomodating, ask ppl for feedback and opinions most of the times however i refrain myself from disclosing many things. This kind of communicator generally has a mistrust in people.

I agree that i don't trust people easily. Or rather i had grown to not trust people easily over the years. Getting more skeptical, especially to people who tried to get closer. But i must say that's not true always. It really depends. It just takes genuinity, sincerity and maybe a lil' bit of patience :P Yea, it might ward off a lot of people and invite a lot of misconception. But i realised the people whom i connect with and trust eventually tend to stay as close friends forever :) So it's worth it after all at the end of the day. Though i do agree that i should be more open sometimes. Ai ight....will try to eh

2005-11-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

from vera!

drum rolls

2005-11-17T00:40:00.000+08:00

this is it! tmr, or rather, later, i'll start my 1st paper...and i'll go galloping on till saturday. Phew....then last paper 22nd! It'll be gone before i realised.

the day started brilliantly today, with lotsa sunshine. The previous day, it was raining. It was gloomy, cosy and exceptionally snuggly on the library couch with my sweater; couldn't get much of the stuff into my head in the morning. Today was cheery, sunny, with lotsa motivation, and a clear head. Oh, and the library population seemed to have gone down a wee bit. A lot quieter, peaceful with less rattling rambling inconsiderate souls.

Went off early cuz of my 1st paper tmr. Wanted to just come back, have some time to myself, prepare at my own pace and head off bed early. Well, it didn quite turn out the way i want to be, but anyway, the evening was eventful. Had dinner with martyn, lawrence and mark. Mark's actually taking the 'twin' module of mine, just that his is ES 2007S, and mine is E...heh....made a hell lot of difference though. He's pretty funny. Now i understand why he and martyn could clique that well. Dark clouds welled up and it started pouring while we're at arts canteen. We were there for long man...till the rain stopped.

Printed out notes for tmr's open book exams (yea, wouldn even bother otherwise :P), and it started pouring again. headed to pgp, had a surprise plan for jimmy. Guessed he's pretty stressed with his 1st exams in NUS....he really really lost a lot of weight man, even got sick few days ago. As his kind thoughtful cousin, i was thinking of surprising him with chicken essence! hah....it's like some precious necessity during exams (at least for me, though i don't go thru that anymore, after 6 exams in nus) The journey was pretty....ahem....rocky? Coop didnt have that; i was thinking of walking to the 7-11 near fongseng to get it, but it was hell pouring. Was hoping pgp mart has it...but DAMN...it was sold out....yea...i'm not surprised. I actually walked to NUH 7-11 to get it and walked back to pgp again...hehe. Of course this fact was nicely concealed from the knowledge of my cousin...hehe.....he was surprised...hehe...but actually he's not a fan of chicken essence :P my wishful part of thinking....heh..but he appreciated my thoughts and effort very much. It's nice to do something sweet for someone, sometimes. I like surprises, so do i like surprising people, but more often, i get so thrilled at the thought that i can't hide my excitement very well. Heh......actually i had always wished that i could have an older bro or older sis, who'll pamper me sometimes. But well, since i can't be that person on the recieving end, i can always be the one on the giving end ;) my lucky brothers :P

Talking about walking, think i seriously gotta replace my white aldo shoes (which has pretty much turned grey) or rather, better known as my 'sampan'. yea...think sampan's leaking and sinking. It's hard to find a replacement, seriously. It had became so seasoned and comfy.

Btw, i got back to hostel at around 8.30. Most of the times i get in from the back door, but today, it was the front door. So, checked mail, just for fun. And hey, whaddya know! i've got mail! From dear popovah. Yup, she sent me a postcard from bulgaria. The theme was bulgarian cuisine *roll eyes* and she said she wanna lure me to bulgaria with the food. Shows where the gravity of our friendship lies eh :P But hey, eastern european cuisine is so much more interesting than their counterparts. And i know i tried the yoghurt soup:)

It's such a nice feeling to get mails. Snail mails especially :)

long long post after a long long time

2005-11-15T00:06:00.000+08:00

hey...i'm gonna blog tonight. Cat was asking me why haven't i been updating my blog for so long. Yea...freaking long eh....somehow no compelling urge and somehow, no time.

Was busy with projects, presentation till last week....This sem's is terribly crazy with the projects. Yea, u'll be thinking....hello....that's NUS! The number of hours we spent in the comp lab for projects, the numerous weekends and public holidays we ended up in school, having Mac for lunch and dinner....yucks! Nearing the end, i was just like....whatever....u know.... Still....i think we did a pretty good job for hysys. Am proud of that project...but the mech project...i admit it was pretty much done for the sake of completing it. Nevertheless...i'm glad i have fabulous team mates!

Oh, talking about the presentation. Well....probably lemme just talk about my part first before coming to the point of how i fare. I guess i have high expectations of myself in this presentation. Especially in this professional communication module...the oral presentation was one element which drew me strongly to this course. I remembered the day when we started the oral presentation segment, and when Dr Sadorra shown us clips of this 'model' student speaker from last sem, from professional speaker, different styles of presentation.....woah...it just took my breath away. I was just overwhelmed and at the same time motivated. I am very much drawn to oral presentation, somehow. Had always felt i'm at my most confident moment when i'm doing presentation (prepared one, of cuz). I like the way how u draw people attention, capture them and further mesmerize them with words... That goes for debating too. It's just so gratifying to use simple words and touch people's mind...the power of words, the beauty of language. yea...so u can expect how much i wished to perform for this oral presentation.

Despite having prepared the oral presentation outline 3 weeks before the actual presentation (It's a requirement, btw), and having prepared the slides 2 weeks before the actual presentation, i was still not satisfied with the content that i was gonna present. My topic is great, i think...and i got loads of information, but there's where the problem comes in. I was still searching for that interesting and special element which i wanna inject into my presentation. U know when u come to this point, it's not about the preparation hours anymore, it's more about the stress which can force ur creative juices to flow. That's me, at least. So, numerous changes to the points which i wanna bring across....i only settled that the night before my presentation. This sucks.....cuz i realised i went way past 15 min before i barely touch my main point.

I was the 1st one to present for the day. When i took the speaker stand, i didn exactly finish rehearsing every part of my presentation. Yea, that pretty much sucks too, cuz i think i became kinda jittery about it. But well, i felt comfortable once i started and i kinda 'breezed' thru it, despite the fact that i DID went overtime. Ok, that sucks big time, cuz i have interesting parts which i have yet to show....damn. Anyway, i still managed to close my presentation with composure. A bit disappointed with myself. The presentation clip was recorded, so i watched it again and again(btw, it's damn wierd initially when u watch urself speak)...there're so many parts which i could have done better if i'd practised more...and i could have been more impressive. I think i failed my own standards. BUT, anyway, i got my oral presentation critique from Dr Sadorra....guess what, i was the highest in class :) and hey, she passed me the release form to fill, so she could use my oral presentation clip for teaching purposes. I felt flattered. Cuz i guess i wasn't as good as jason (the previous student speaker whose clip was shown). He's still the best model for extemporaneous speaking. I guess my style was somehow a bit different. But cool....i'm just overwhelmed. I love oral presentation :D
*****************************************************************************
I think i kinda did a crazy thing, though i still think it's cool. I remembered my heart thumping with all the blood rushing to my face when i did it. My face would have been really red if i could see myself in the mirror. It just came to my mind and i just...yea... But hey, i'm pretty excited about it!
think i need to arrange my time a lil' ;)
*****************************************************************************
it's the time of the year, or rather, time of the sem when u wouldn see me online for weeks and when i'd be gone from my room from 9am-10pm. Yea, my muggin days had started. I'm gonna start exams this thursday. Yea, thursday, 3 days from now....freaky! guess what, i finished on 22nd. It's gonna just flash by. Oh, and i'm goin shanghai next week!! after my paper of cuz...duh.... I'm kinda looking forward to it :) That silly ck, asked me to run this crazy errand for him...he's so gonna treat me to a good one in shanghai for this good deed that i'm gonna do for him! :P

Talking about library....yea...i'm back to my usual sitting area....this sem, all my study buddies changed cuz they all went for IA. But it's cool, i got my good buddies with me this time. Yeeshan, martyn and linhao :)

Today was intense with all the membrane material that i'm trying to fit in my mind. Goodness, i better finish that module by tmr! The call i got from bingbro today really cracked me up. This fella finished exams today.....*envy* He called me twice but i didn pick it up cuz i was in the library, so he left 2 silly voice messages!

First one: 'hey, it's me, i finished exams...what're u doin eh....exams eh...awww....poor thing'

2nd one:' hey, it's me again. Have u bought jay chou's cd eh? it's nice man...i already knew it inside out...*music....jay chou's new song* Yes, he played it on voice mail!

*swings fist* I haven't bought it cuz i dunt want it to distract me from my books! heh. He called me after i came back from library and we had a good talk, laughing at his potent 'morning combination' of coffee, orange juice and milk, silly things about him and his chicken craze, breakfast talk and the best one would probably be his silly swelled up feet and the paranoia he went thru.....hehe.....he's comical. I think he's getting more and more humorous.....and i realised how long haven't we really talked. yeh! he's coming back soon, home's gonna be so much merrier with everyone around :)

So are cat and siao :):) Haven't seen cat for a looong loooong time. and hey, we're gonna spend christmas together !!! Remember last year we were supposed to spend christmas together too! White christmas in canada, heh....just too bad it didn work out. This year, i'm sure it will! I'm already making christmas plans....

whoever's abroad......come back everyone, i miss you!

non-sense post

2005-11-02T01:54:00.000+08:00

It should be time to go to bed but i'm here because of this song which endowed me the blogging mood ~ homesick by Kings of Convenience

Not homesick. But the song is just rather soothing for a night like this.

Actually i was procrastinating quite a bit. 3 more weeks, everything will be over. Freaking fast....can't imagine! Still left with half of the term paper, my presentation (which i'm hoping it to be a blast...fingers crossed+reminder to prepare more) and a mechanical design project which we hope to complete by tmr.

It was halloween yesterday. I was reminded of the pumpkin carving. Yea, it was daylight savings last year on the same day too. 31st Oct 2004. I was surprised that there were so many details of this day which i remembered. Back from Montreal trip, daylight savings, halloween pumpkin carving, floor dinner, celebration of my 23rd 'quarter' birthday. Amazing. Still vividly carved in my mind.

Had been a year since i was there. Sometimes, i felt like it was only yesterday. SOme other times, i felt that i had left that part of my life far behind. Vera emailed me, telling me about this dream she had about returning to Old chicago, the familiar lights, the familiar music...... There are times when i wished i could live in that memory forever, embrace the same life i had there forever, have that accent forever....etc...But i know i need to move on. My life is pretty much back on track in singapore. The sensation, the motivation, the inspiration and the entire feeling, mentality gradually diverged from the ones that i had carefully contained in me when i came back. It's not for the better nor for the worse i guess, it's just somewhat different. Lost some and gained some on the way. Happy Halloween nonetheless......(bleah, abrupt!)

i had been a very 'environmental' person lately. My term paper, my presentation, i'm doin on the same topic. Yea...kinda like killing two birds with one stone. And i ended up with some paranoia about the toxic chemicals present in my shampoo, my body lotion, the plastic bottles....etc.... It's good in a way. To start an awareness. I'll post more about it when i'm kinda 'out' of it eh....i'm here to vent and relief (like a relief valve...crap)...to avoid pressure build up.

i think it's really time for bed. i'm making no sense here.

2005-10-15T01:22:00.000+08:00

sound of white

higgins fever

2005-10-15T00:43:00.000+08:00

man, i'm so crazy.

i actually took this long to realise this gem that was uncovered since aaaaaaages ago. Missy higgins is absolutely fantastic! She's just so awesome. I knew laura (miss stubbs) was goin ga-ga about her when i was in canada. I just thought that prob cuz she's a fellow australian of hers with this pretty aussie accent, that's y she's crazy.

It just happened to me. What do i mean...well, it JUST happened. Within a click. Found out from grassy that i can hear her album songs full length on her website. And there i was......mesmerized...totally! Check out www.missyhiggins.com The songs are beautiful. I love scars, nightmind, special two.....argh.. everything. Yea, it's everything i ask for. Yea, crazy enuff, i went to town that very evening to get her album, sound of white. That night was nothing but missy higgins.

That night, i developed this strange strong urge. I wanna go cut my hair! Like missy higgins! I was like, hey....that looks a bit like my sec school hairstyle...well, of cuz she looks a lot more cool. I kinda got sick of the normal shoulder length straight hair, i want a refreshing change. I need opinions, ppl....it takes a lot of courage to cut the hair short...especially as short as this. And this kinda anxiety develops stronger with age. I got differing views. Grass supports that...to be different and for a change (whether it's for the better or for the worse :P) Yea, i mean when i step out to work, i doubt i'll do it.... On another hand, i have wt and april telling me NOT to be impulsive cuz they think that it's gonna be so non-feminine. Heh....i can imagine the total opposite effect. Damn....but i feel so impulsive now! how how, tell me!

I'm goin home next weekend after project submission. IF the urge still lingers, i'm gonna cut it. Yeah........ey...check her hairstyle out! Now, come to think of it, i think laura's hair's probably from the missy higgins effect too :P

C mon...can u believe it.....it'd only been two days and i'm like that. There can only be two reasons: 1st, i'm real stressed and needed something to seek solace with.....and 2nd, which i think it's a more plausible one: missy higgins rocks!

I'm serious, check her out if u're a tori amos/sarah mclachlan fan, or if u want a more soulful touch to fiona apple style.

i'm no angel

2005-10-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'm in one of my bitchiest mood today, so i decided i must blog.

u know whenever i hear ppl describing me as a 'sweet' and 'nice' girl, i'll have a good laugh. Cuz i know i'm aint nice and sweet at all. That was what sandeep thought of me as well initially...hehe. i remembered i asked him before: why me? He said i was the 'sweetest' girl he'd ever came across. Even though then when i was in my most passionate honeymoon period with him, i still secretly disagreed with him with the thought 'urgh...that's so not true.'

Well, alright, i'm nice to nice ppl, to my family, to my friends and to the ppl i like. And i do things willingly for them to make them happy, or to make them feel at ease. Yes, i can be nice and do beautiful things for people, but please, just don't say that i'm sweet. Cuz i'm not. I'm no angel. Please don't be decieved.

Why the disclaimer. Cuz i think i'm pretty mean today. heh. And when i think back, i recalled more and more occasions like that. Boo....i'havent been ranting and rambling a lot recently, have i? So please bear with me.

Well, u see, there's just this problem with me. There are certain things which are beyond my tolerance level, be it just a nitty gritty lil' detail. Having said that, there're times when i can accomodate to it, and there're times which i just can't bloody put up with it. Can't stand ppl's phone ringing in the LT, can't stand ppl answering phones in LT, can't stand ppl hogging the tiny weeny lanes when there's a whole crowd following behind, can't stand ppl making a long, continuous conversation (even the whispery type) in library, can't stand ppl talking and rambling to me early in the morning non stop, can't stand ppl ringing me in the morning for stupid requests, can't stand people constantly nagging and talking rubbish when i'm trying to concentrate, can't stand ppl beating around the bush, can't stand act cute ppl (esp guys), can't stand ppl being irresponsible...etc etc.

For the 1st few items on the list, basically i think ppl should learn to respect and be considerate to others especially in places like LT and library. Learning to respect others= respecting ownself. Simple as that. If u dun wish other ppl to do the same thing to u, don't do it to others in the 1st place; And morning, are supposed to be peaceful, quiet with chirping birds, NOT to some ranting jane (sorry for the random choice of name eh, it just sorta popped in my mind, and it kinda rhymes). yea...and the rest....it's just me....i can't stand ppl who dun stop talking even when they realised that ppl're not listening to them. Vera hates this kinda person too...like she said, they're not tactful enuff...heh...i truly agree.

So today, not in a very tolerant mood, i finally snapped at this guy friend, Z who kept talking non stop in the background (yea, i call it background cuz i consider it as noise). See what i mean. I know i'm really mean, but he's not talking about anything constructive, acting cute, beating round the bush....dammit.....i chose to switch off and concentrate while he just kept rambling on and on and on and on until i just exploded. Snapped at him. Having commenting on that, i'm not saying that he's a irritable fella...in fact he's a very nice guy and i know he won't blame it on me. BUT, like i said, yea...it's me...i just can't stand it at some point. Heh.....that's it for me man....things which irritates me, i just have to say it out, in a sarcastic manner. Gotta get my point across!

I was thinking back...heh....a bit mean, a bit funny...but i'm still glad i said it out. Just like how at one point i can't stand lh answering cell phones in the middle of class talking with his voice aloud. I just commented that he's rude, tho he's one of my very good buddy. He knows that i don't like it so he doesn't do it now, which i really appreciate him for that :) Thanks and sorry eh, dude.....ur friend here is a bit....anal at times.

********************************************************************************
He found me on friendster. Which totally turns me off. He is a past which i choose to erase from my memory. I really don't like to deny myself by not acknowledging this part of my life but of all things in my life, this is probably one regret which was never compensated in one way or another. Ok, i made it sound too serious. But the point was, i have regrets in life of not doin this, not doin that but so far i don't regret anything which i'd done before, cuz it somehow leads me to a better path after that and i'm thankful for it. Except for this.

Well, we were together for a short time, when we were still young and innocent. Till now, it'd been 7 years already. but he had been pestering me for the past 7 years, on and off, like a bloody damn pest. The point was not about the relationship but rather his character and behaviour after we broke up. He was 2 years my senior. I knew he bitched about me in front of his friends after we broke up, called me million of times to reconcile, called up all my close friends to whine, followed me back home on his bike, stalked me with his bike after he graduated from school, even though he found a new girlfriend 2 weeks immediately we broke up. Even till now....when we'd already grown from teenage kids to young adults, he still calls my house from time to time (nearly every year, without fail) trying to check my whereabouts...damn! the thought of it made me furious. I know it's kinda childish here to still be frustrated by him, or to be angry with him or still to ignore him, even after 7 years...but DAMmit, just leave me alone. When i say leave me alone, just LEAVE ME ALONE. I hate ppl who just think that girls always say the opposite things they meant and try to act smart. Fancy finding me on friendster, and checking out my profile....made me fume....He even tried to add me by using the name ALAn and restricting access to his profile before adding him. I'm smart....I get suspicious of anyone with the surname cheong, and initials KL. hhmph. so, i BLOCKED him.

Mona always say i'm quite mean. I practically hung up all his calls. Even my mum, the one who objected to our r/s then (cuz i was still young) was kinda taken aback when i said i didn wanna have any contact with him at all. C mon...he's a pest, he's no ordinary good guy...i dun wanna be haunted by him for the rest of my lifeee!

Somehow it affects me. In a way or another, i'm a very private person. Part of the reason was to stay away from this person as far as possible, and also other reasons from some bad experiences with ppl bitching behind my back. The blog is pretty much kept from knowledge of a lot of other aquaintances, whom, either i have not much connections with, not close to or ppl whom i dun want them to know about me, about my life. If you happened to stumble upon my blog, no, it's ok, don't turn away, but read it as if i'm a stranger to u. Cuz our paths never crossed.

So, if u're one of my friends who knows of my blog, you're someone whom i trust, a friend whom i wanna share things with. Hence i want you to stay :)

nothing interesting (just in case)

2005-10-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

heh, it'd been long, isn't it.....

Things are happening everyday, but somehow, when i try to put them into words, they just don't seemed that special to be mentioned. Am i living like any other university soul (or rather, NUS soul) out there? Professor Chung mentioned something interesting in class today, which i find it rather true. Oriental people, or rather asians seek conformity with others whereas the westerners tend to seek the different way. Maybe i should look at my life from another perspective, to find that special element.

Everytime zhengyang sees me online, he's bound to ask me...so, anything interesting in your life lately? It always make me ponder....and sometimes to avoid......maybe there's really aint anything interesting. (juicy stuff for him, i bet). But wierdly enuff, i'm enjoying every bit of it, though prob there's nothing spectacular goin on, no scandals, no ups and downs, no particular major stress (YET)...but i think everything is progressing. Yes, there's progress, there's something there everyday. There is, slow though.

The past week had been rather......hmm....how should i put it. I can't find words to decribe it, but i feel myself gradually going into the transition. Preparing myself bit by bit. Well, i still can't put the pieces together.....somehow i guess, i'll get there. Sounds rather abstract. nevermind.

Was talking to huiling after a looong loong time......were sharing our experiences abroad, our state of mind, our vision, plans for the no-so-distant-away future. Yup, life moves on from that point onwards, projects and assignments are real, but it's also time to look ahead.

i got a job on campus. Gonna be working in prof chung's lab with one of his postgrad student. Hope i'll learn something from there......yea, lab work again...but that's ok.....pay's pretty decent.
Finally churned out the hysys flowchart......up and working! am quite excited about it....it's the fruits of labour of me and wt...after a whole afternoon screwing our heads to make a good guess for the mass balance to work....I seemed to accomplish quite a lot for the past weekend. But yea, looking ahead....i still have a few projects. Projects and term papers can be quite interesting, but other than that, still a bitch.

Fell in love with doveman. If you like deep, emotional yet simple, quiet music....u got it there....highly recommend Honey. It's perfect for a night like this.......beautiful.
http://www.dovemanmusic.com/

btw, i think i'll be buying missy higgins cd after all....temptation is too hard to resist.

a sunday on the island

2005-10-02T22:42:00.000+08:00

was doin hysys project this afternoon when i noticed something funny in the tank. Butthead was sooo close together with two other snails...hmm...that's unusual. Noticed its colour was kinda wierd. Butthead was the not-so-reddish one but today the colour's kinda like a bit.....purplish?Hmm....what happened eh...brushed the thought aside...continued hysys.

Half an hour later, the snails left, butthead was still there, hanging at the original position in the midst of a mass of plants. Something's not goin right. Threw in the feed. No response. Put my hand in the tank and pressed the plants a bit....oh gosh...it's not responding at all! hanging in the same posture!! msged felix

'Hey, butthead is not moving, izzit dead eh?'

'Hmm.....is it upside down? are the legs curled up? use something to gently prod it to test it.'

Few min later.....
'Not upside down, cuz it's hanging in a mass of plants, legs curled up. No response. :(

'oh ok, think it's dead then, just fish it out and............'

OH dear! Butthead didn even survive for a week under my care!! well, don't ask me what did i do cuz i did nothing extraordinary besides following felix's instructions.

He even offered to send me a replacement if i'm interested.....heh....i wouldn wanna risk another cute lil' pretty shrimp. haiz.....i was like...WHy? why did it die so fast? He said it's hard to determine the factors but in the meantime, i shd monitor the tank and see how. So i changed 20% of the tank water...and i'm gonna c how it goes.

Such an irony. In the 1st place, i only have 3 to start with (wait....till now i have yet to see unknown, so now that makes it 1 after butthead died). The snails are growing strong and well tho....argh...irritating. I'm like keeping a tank of snails.

so folks, better come see beaver fast........just in case....u know.....

************************************************************************

I was awfully shocked last night when i was browsing thru CNA website. Bali explosions! Did i see it right? Again?

Nowhere in the world is safe these days. Even if it'd been attacked previously, that doesn mean there's an immunization to terrorism later on. Just when everyone thought bali recovered, it's being destructed once again.

At least just when i was thinking about a bali trip as a pre-work escapade, this just had to happen. Can't they just leave the poor beautiful place in peace, literally.

**********************************************************************
Work's a bitch. Hate it when u have so many things to do that u've to just waste time wondering which one shd you start with 1st to achieve maximum productivity.

NUS launched this soundbuzz thingy, which got me a biit distracted today. (ok, i just discovered it today). Tempted to buy the beekeeper by tori amos. Contemplating between tori amos and missy higgins. Missy higgins's pretty cool. Maybe i can ask bingbro to check that out for me in aussie. Yea, tho i know that local singers doesn mean that it'll be sold cheaper. Avril lavigne's stuff are not any cheaper in canada; that goes the same for Sarah mclachlan; even sun yanzi's album is not by any chance cheaper in singapore. So fat hope for missy higgins.

It's end of the year soon....all these overseas lucky ppl are coming back. I should start drawing my list, heh...start to think of what to ask them to get back for me :P I already know what to ask bing bro to get for me....my blue havaianas top flip flops i bought from sydney last time is kinda worn out already. Time for a change. Maybe i'll go for a havaianas brazil this time ;) oh wait....havaianas style looks gorgeous too, and so is cartunistas..... yeh...i know they sell it in heerens, i tried it on...but the rubber doesn seem as flexible as mine. more expensive too. whatevah........

check out the cool sunny website! http://www.havaianas.com/#

updates

2005-09-28T00:11:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't be blogging these days. There're just too many things to do. Grassy's words struck me hard about the harsh reality: There ain't much time left to study anymore! Thanks buddy, i need to start my mugging days in the library again. I shall leave tuesdays and thursdays compulsory for library; wednesdays and fridays, optional, for NOW. hehe....

Time seemed to fly too fast before i can catch up with its pace. sighz......

I'm kinda looking forward to the semester holidays already. Heh...no..not because that i dread school days....just that there're just too many wonderful things to look forward to :)

So many ppl coming back, so many plans, so many places to go. I'm thrilled at the thought of it, yet holding myself back from looking forward to it so much. That will mean that i can only count down to one semester left for my uni days......sighz.......

Went for cyclohunt last saturday. Nope, didn win, but it was fun+fun with this new combination of team mates: opl, jianlong and nanjun. Haha....i think our luck ain't that good....brakes prob with one of the bike, tyre puncture with the same bike, heavy downpour at 1.30am....but we totally enjoyed every moment of it....it was hilarous and somehow, the wait in the rain was memorable. Oh...we went for dou jiang you tiao, highlight of our trip....we would prob reached half an hour earlier if we didn stop by...but heck care, everyone was totally satisfied! Totally knocked out for the whole sunday. Aching thighs. Hey, but i regained a healthier sleeping cycle :)

Wt's new shops opened on saturday. Bugis street FFL 14, for those interested and Far East 3rd level...Enoche! Heh...Clothes selection is cool. Some might not be my type, cuz they dun suit me, but it's kinda like a 'wt's wardrobe'. So it's definitely awesome, cuz she's cool, hip, cute and pretty! heh.... ;) Hope she won't get too stressed out over all these obligations and duty...take good care girl!

Seemed like so many things happened eh.....hysys project just started....need to finish hysys tutorial, SHE project, SHE term paper, SHE assignments, membrane revision gotta start these days. Oh, and i'm starting to write resume in my professional communication class. Oral presentation's gonna start soon. yea, the part i like most....heh....i like oral presentations :D

Oh oh oh....nearly forgot about it, i got my shrimp tank! courtesy of felix (da cat) hehe.....thanks man! It was a small tank, with only 3 shrimps and 8 snails...heh.....but they're SO CUTE! Especially the shrimps. They were named before their custody was transferred to me. Butthead, beaver and unknown (or yet-to-be-named) :) Reddish cherry shrimps....! Tho felix said he just dump all the ferns and plants in without trimming or designing or whatever, still it looks great! Will take a pic of beaver, butthead and unknown one day, u folks will see how cool and cute they are!

2005-09-22T13:12:00.000+08:00

heh...my term paper presentation for the membrane module was a blast :)

My term paper topic was: Enzymatic Membrane Reactor for Kinetic Resolution of NSAIDs. It took me quite some time really determine my interest and direction in this area. Made a lot of changes, printed a lot of non-relevant papers, major revamp of my slides....but well, in the end, i guess everything was worthwhile.

In fact, it's rather thrilling to have the professor telling you straight in your face: i can tell that you spent a lot of effort; your presentation is very good; I give you high marks for this....Would you wanna do experiment on this? i can give you the membrane to try it on. i think you have a potential of doin research.....haha.

Research....hmm.......Actually this is not the 1st time my professor suggested that to me. Besides him, prof Mequanint in Western wrote me an email about postgrad studies too. Well, in fact i secretly kept it as an option. Let's see how things go. Anyway, the point was, after the presentation, my morale was really boosted and i was kinda taken aback with the flattering compliments. I could have done even better than that, i told myself. Motivation for membrane module now :) Oh, btw, term paper was 30-40% of the final grade.....cool!

OMG....mons, ur wizchoo messaged me on friendster......i think it's cool...probably too grateful to his fellow leo for promoting him. Was i, anyway? heh...but well, i can tell that both of you're blissfully in love, so congrats woman! The cat and i had been discussing...and we think our conjecture that u'll be the 1st one among 4 of us to get married will come true eventually :)

I'm very proud and very happy to announce that dad quitted smoking!! Yay.....finally. After few failed attempts long ago ( mum mentioned). It seemed that simple now to just not smoke at all. He did that within a week! Good job, dad *pat pat* Keep it up, u have no idea how relieved and glad the whole family is, hehe! I take pride in that.

Today's wei's birthday. hey woman, guess what, remember the card that i told you about last year, the bdae card i bought in canada which i promised to send it to you :P I found it! I wonder why i didn give it to you together with your bdae gift when i came back then. haha..... u'll get double bdae cards today....hiak hiak. Have fun with your gathering! i'll see ya real soon. We're gonna have our gathering soon, i hope!

a girl, a lady and a woman

2005-09-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

It's so freakin scary. I can't believe it just crept past silently without me realising. I'm reflecting back on the past 6 weeks, what've i done and what've i learnt, most importantly,what am i lagging behind with....sighz......momentum has yet to be regained.

**************************************************************

I realised something over dinner today, another lesson to ponder upon:

Women, when they're young and pretty, they're considered: bubbly if they like to talk non stop; determined and strong willed if they insist on something persistently; independent if they don't have a man; adventurous if they like to try out new things; fashionista if they put on wierd clothings; amazing if they do something out of the blue; cute if they do something wrong.

But when they're not-so-young, .......they'll be deemed as: long winded if they talk more than what ppl like to listen to; difficult to handle/stubborn old aunty if they insist their way; insensible and unreasonable if they try to do something different from norm; unwanted and eccentric if they're not married; flaunting their not-so-young assets if they put on something flashy; troublesome if they wanna try out something new; It's always WOmen! if they do something wrong.

These are general perceptions in our society. And they come from both men and women.

it's not fair. There's always an age limit imposed on women. No matter what we do, we must know our LIMITS. (Broad range of definition here). Yes, why should we care anyway? why should we be bounded by these rules and stereotypes, or even how people see us? why can't we just do what we like, wear what we like and just be ourselves like how we were when our age was 10 years younger?

It's funny. This society. The people in the society. How desperately everyone has to do accomplish this and that and this and that before your thirties come. Well, of course, our dearest men counterparts have a slightly better edge and time allowance over us.

Oh no.....why am i thinking more and more in this direction? Darn...am i in this wave already?

Maybe i should change my blog name already....no more uncool fool, no more acting cool and indifferent towards reality. This final-year syndrome is getting to me.

2005-09-14T01:56:00.000+08:00

in between dreams

books, music and my brother

2005-09-14T01:28:00.000+08:00

i had been buying quite a few cds lately. Under some sort of impulsiveness and also irresistable temptations. And i added another one to my collection today.

bought jack johnson!!

'Who's that?'That's kinda like the normal response i get. But that's ok.

The last album i bought before this was less than 1 month ago. James Blunt- Back to bedlam. Back tracking some more, i realised Gavin Degraw- Chariot was less than a month from James Blunt too. I enjoy deriving satisfaction from good music, good books. Currently Michael Palin's Sahara's lying there for me to pick it up one fine day when i finally decided to read for leisure; Neither here nor there by Bill Bryson is still neither here nor there. There is no excuse for not reading, seriously. If i spend 1 hour less on msn, i would probably have finished a few good books by now. But then again, i would probably argue that 1 hour spent less on msn= 1 hour gained for reading more journal articles and notes....*urgh* So well, no excuses. I shall start reading Sahara. Probably i shd start setting a target for myself eh. I have this tendency to start a really good book, and the momentum will somehow be lost somewhere along the way.

So my point is, *ahem*, since right now, i 'sorta' lost one of my source of satisfaction, i need to compensate for that with music. Good music. At least i can read membrane journal articles while playing james blunt; read up lab preparation while playing jack johnson; or even prepare my term paper with monalisa smile soundtrack.

Had been spending quite a bit on luxurious items these days. But i comforted myself by justifying my CD purchase as a form of mental need. Such as books. It's a mental need, not Want. And i also justify my buy by comparing myself to bingbro. He has a huge collection of music cds, which he thinks it's justified cuz he's merely showing support to the music industry, and to good music. Yea...so i feel better then. Too bad our music preferences are like worlds apart. He prefers the canto-mando pop (which i think he still does), while i prefer english alternative. THe only exception is probably jay chou.

When he tells me he buys Wang lihom/ stephanie sun or....whoever eh.... i'll be showing no enthusiasm at all, worst, i'll roll my eyes at his canto pop music. On the other hand, whenever i tell him i wish to buy this cd, that cd, or recommend him songs and bands, he'll be like 'HUH, please'. He once ask me, why do u always buy those 'wierd wierd ppl' cd? *roll eyes* So if he knows i bought jack johnson, i bet he'll ask that question again. And SO, most of the time we don't share our cd collections, which is a blessing somehow.

Talking about alternative music, i was actually quite curious of what alternative genre means exactly. is there a certain form of music arrangements or instruments used. All along, i identify my likes for them by judging from the bands/singers/songs i like. Am also curious how indie rock fits into the picture. So i did a search on google. Erm...in the end, i can't remember what's the difference, or rather i can't understand....and i did the same thing again: " list of alternative artists", i press click. End of story to my little research.

Nevertheless, i still wanna say, jack johnson is cool! It didnt turn out the way i expected it to be, but it's another form of surprise i guess. I had the impression that his work are all the kind with few lines of lyrics with simple soulful music. But it turned out to be the other way round. Discovered a lot of interesting lyrics inside. Not as soulful and melodious as james blunt, but it's just like a story teller, recording details about everyday's life, everyday's emotions. Not much complications, yet it can be profound. With just simple guitar, not much of accompaniment and the lazy voice.

Situation number one
It's the one that's just begun
But evidently it's too late

Situation number two
It's the only chance for you
It's controlled by denizens of hate

Situation number three
It's the one that no one sees
It's all too often dismissed as fate

Situation number four
It's the one that let you wanting more
It tantalized you with its bait

~Situations- Jack Johnson

5th week

2005-09-11T03:35:00.000+08:00

hey, it had been a year!!

6th Sept 2004. THe day i embarked on an amazing journey. 28 hours across oceans, across time zone; 4 months later i returned home with memories, friendships, inspirations and experiences which will last me for a lifetime. I was looking back at my blog entries one year ago. Interestingly enough, i pictured every details i wrote and remembered vividly exactly how i felt back then. Yea, i never got tired of being reminded about it. I'm grateful and thankful at the same time, for the wonderful things that had happened to me, to my parents, the people who made it possible, to the people who had inspired and taught me precious lessons. It's kinda like a timely reminder. The initial motivation and momentum i brought back last sem seemed to be trailing away from me. And i'm trying to grasp it within my hands.

Lemme close my eyes and imagine........

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The past week had been pretty normal. Highlight of the week is probably zussamen...(heck, how do u spell that word) Whatever....it's the annual chem eng games. The last time we took part, we were year 2....can't believe that we're taking part as year 4s now! It's always this time of the year when i feel the class spirit and class bonding.....funny :P It never struck me how rare and invaluable it is to have a class which sticks u through the 4 years in uni..... It started to feel a bit wierd from our 6th sem onwards when u see half of the class people gone for IA and we don't see each other for the 'large family' kinda lectures anymore. Then i realised how much i had took for granted for the past 3 years.

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'ey, can i ask you a question?'

'yea, shoot'

'Hey, u gotta promise that u answer truthfully on that!...er......am i balding?'

'Huh?! You gotta be kiddin, of cuz not!!'

In fact this topic rose twice in a week when i was with 2 different group of friends. For a moment, i was daunted upon being asked the question. What has become of our generation? Since when have our topics shifted from sucky lecturers, lousy notes, stressful tutorial, prince charming, gorgeous princess, fanciful dreams to reality? Have we already fallen into the fallacy of adulthood? Guys start to worry about establishing their career, when to get a wife, investment, status, balding, tummy, .....etc; Girls start to worry about more wrinkles, aging, bfs, husbands, marriage, jewellery....etc.

It's a sign of age, i believe. Suddenly we realised what we used to talk about seemed to have taken a toll of change; the things that we worry about seemed to have increased; what we used to take for granted for suddenly became a concern and the worries that we used to have came true. All of a sudden, it's as if we'd entered the dreary cycle which we never expected ourselves to fall into any moment soon. So abrupt that it just took us offguard. What's with this social clock anyway? This social norm which people use to gauge the time when we SHOULD graduate, when we should look for a job, when we should get married, when we should get attached, when we should do this, when we should do that....etc.....social obligations. Why should we answer to that anyway?Why can't we break away from it anyway?

I feel as if i'd reached another crossroad in my life. Well, i haven't exactly reached the point where the road splits. So i have no idea how many paths or alternatives that lie ahead. But i can already sense the urgency to decide, the urgency to arm myself with as much as i possibly could. Should i pick this up, should i pick that up. The obstacles that awaits me along the path i choose, i can't foresee, but i know if i only decide when i reach that point, it'll be too late to turn back. Not like i have a choice. I can imagine myself turning back to see a swarm of people running into my direction. Major stampede. I'll be overwhelmed by them.

In the 1st place, what kind of path would i wanna travel on? Which one of the path will perhaps lead me to my dreams? which one of the path do i wanna walk on for the rest of my life?

As i inch closer to the point, my pace slowers down. I think i'm lost for the moment. I'm thinking.....reflecting on myself......evaluating and reaffirming my interests, my directions along the way. Hopefully by the time i reach the point, i'll know.

the start of september

2005-09-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

sighz.......summer has to end after all.

It's 3.56 pm, sept 2nd. Should be 4 am, sept 2nd in toronto. And she would have reached after her 28 hours flight.

4 months actually flew past that quickly. Seemed long, but not so. Had been hanging out together with her that often, that i kinda have a perception that she's gonna be here all the time. Funny, but just the thought of her not gonna be around for our plans for the following months sorta made me down. Sent her off at the airport yesterday, together with martyn. The 3rd goodbye hug we had in airports. She said: this is it.....physically apart for another 8 months. Gosh...she nearly made me tear. We were talking about how the months work out so coincidentally. The 4 months thingy. Like i'm never tired of telling others, how amazing our paths actually crossed each other. If i'd ever made a choice or decision differently then, i could have never met her. Shuddered at the thought of it, but somehow thankful for how miraclously things work out to be the way they are now.

in the scrapbook she gave me, there was a line she wrote:

It felt very different when u left after ur exchange period but i guess it was also a different process of journeying for the both of us, and at the end of the day, life is really a continual process of moving on.

it feels very different too after she left. No more binge- chill-booze partner; No more blue cosy room with self-made drinks for 8 months. But well, it's time to move on, and there're loads to move on with: School life resumes normalcy. Time to concentrate on projects, work and term paper. Schedule to make my final year another fruitful one. Less goin out, less chilling, probably no boozing, less msn, less slacking...hehe. And for her, a new sem in Western, with a new life in her new apartment with her new housemate, a new room, new friends.....etc. Yup, we'll all do great for the year with hopes and motivation. Till then, my dear friend. Will miss ya loads.

*long stretch* well, summer has come and passed. Time to work :)

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Heh...guess what, last minutely, kelly got tickets for project superstar finals. I tagged along. It was wonderful atmosphere. Good music. Beautiful spirit.

It was quite a sensational evening, with touched emotions and lotsa lingering thoughts. But in all, i salute the winner. I admit that i was quite skeptical about his singing capabilities and the fact that he got in top 10 finalists right from the beginning. But somehow at some point, my perception shifted from compassionate votes to a mind frame to look beyond that. It was a victory+ a voice, with courage, passion and sincerity.

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How does that feel to have somebody in the dark watching ur movements eh? I suspect a stalker...no no...shd be a spy from the opposite old KR blk. Initially it was kinda mind baffling, then i thought i was a bit too sensitive. Then i decided that it was a bit too much of a coincidence.

I didn realise it initially. I usually get back to my room pretty late in the evening, prob 7 or 8. The room opposite my windows, most of the times when i get back, opened my door, switch on my lights, the lights of that room will be on. After i put down my stuff, settled down in front of my pc, that room will be completely dark already. Initially i just thought it was wierd cuz within a split sec, the guy actually got out of his room that fast. I paid no attention, especially during the days when i was dog-tired. After a while, i realised it happened quite frequently. Till one day, i remember pushing my door open one evening late, in the darkness of my room, i thought I saw a face look up from the opposite window, with lights on. When i closed my doors, the lights in that room were switched off again. And there was one evening when i noticed the guy turned back to switch off his lights. And the thing is, he wasn't out of the room cuz i saw the lights from the computer screen. What the hell is that? A game or what? Is he trying to make me think that he's not around so that i'll do absolutely wahtever in my room? Or is he just spying in the dark. Gross. It happened again last night.

not like i do anything funny with my windows wide opened, thinking there's no one around. And maybe, (i'm giving myself possibilities), he was out of the room, uhuh, and things just had to happen that coincidentally.....*roll eyes*

My life still goes on tho.....not like i am worrying about somebody watching me typing on the laptop, doin my assignments, my procrastinating manner, nor am i paranoid.....but hey, what kinda wierd ppl u get eh, even in university? Trying to pry into other's lives.....hmmph. I'm just totally put off

any counter-spies act for me to have some fun with the stalker? heh.....

2005-08-28T03:46:00.000+08:00

comfy slacker pose

2005-08-28T03:43:00.000+08:00

the more 'normal' pics

2005-08-28T03:33:00.000+08:00

heh...our salad preparation!

2005-08-28T03:31:00.000+08:00

am so lucky to have them

2005-08-28T03:30:00.000+08:00

the mushroom freak.

2005-08-28T03:29:00.000+08:00

mad kid on the loose

2005-08-28T03:28:00.000+08:00

the chef who chose to look away from the camera

friday and saturday

2005-08-28T02:28:00.000+08:00

didn go back this weekend, but friday and saturday were packed fully. Literally. I'm leaving sunday for catching up work. Must really pick myself up to do it.

friday finished class at 2. Grass came to school to meet martyn and I for lunch. It's probably gonna be her last few times in NUS for the year. Well, by the time she comes back next summer, martyn would have long graduated and i'm gonna leave school soon too. Yeh...things will be really different then. But i'm sure something's gonna stay the same: our friendship. It's gonna be firmer and stronger.

It was meant to be a relaxing afternoon. Yep, after one week of school. Grass and I went holl V shopping centre. Checked out some of the cool arts and craft stuff. Craze on the african stick figures; silly jokes on the african bellboy; taking our time to check out stuff....everything was just soo at ease and comfortable.

Stayed over with grass on friday night. She brought me to the bedok food centre near her house for hokien mee, stingray and cheng teng. It was fabulous. I especially love the cheng teng. Kinda far to travel all the way there just for the food without her around :( The night was without extensive plans. It was meant to be a free and easy night, just to chill, relax and talk. Watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. I love the movie. Creative, true, simple yet emotionally intensive. Her usual cosy blue room, with ice milo this time, the dim yellow lights....we just laid on the bed and talk. Just like old times. Talked about anything which was on our minds. Time just flew with james blunt, lighthouse family playing in the background.

5.15am, we decided to turn in.

Woke up at 12 today. Washed up and left her house for Katong laksa. Somehow i feel that the east side has a slower relaxing pace. Lazy saturday. Got martyn's housewarming gift. We thought it was just brilliant and we're sure he'll love it ;) 3.30pm, got back to hostel. Gonna meet wt at 4. gonna be damn late. Didn really have time to slack around a bit. Changed and got out at 3.50. Left my wallet behind, damn.

finally met wt at 4.30. Guilty of being late :P Helped martyn to run some errands. French loaves were horribly long and awkwardly sticking out of everywhere. My memory's pretty good after all. Unsure whether it's 10th floor, i tried checking it out while they hold the lift. Aroma from the lamb stew was just so distinguishable. Hit it on the spot, bingo, we got the right place. Mark was helping out as 'apprentice'. Lamb stew, still smelling fantastically great while we prepared salad, chopped up carrots. Martyn's cooking never fail. Wt and grass hit it off pretty well. So cool. Kelly came. Heh...now everyone knows everyone. Too bad wei wasn't around. Quite a lot of ppl came. Navin and boon came then, followed by martyn's other friends. Like what martyn said, it was cool to see his friends interacting with one another. Yes, indeed. I know how that feels. Totally. Kinda anti-social, but we still managed to engage in interesting talks. Like how grass and nick in the 'canadian' topic. Nick's goin for exchange in canada, U of T. I was envious yet thankful for the opportunity back then. With grass and nick talking about canada, i was suddenly amazed at how things bring people together, the connection network and how our paths crossed.

Ransacking martyn's room and creating havoc. Played with his ikea lights to make it look like studio lights. With wt and kelly around, grass and i relived our 'photo snapping' session. Crazily posing. Martyn was very much amused.

enjoyed the party thoroughly. Am looking forward even more to our usual dinner gathering, our usual gang. Just too bad grass ain't gonna be here for that. Yea, the depature mood has started to set in. 4 months in canada, i came back; 4 months later, she came back; after 4 months in singapore, she's goin back to canada.

This wacky cranky kid, i'm gonna miss her for the next 8 months.

can you feel my world...haha

2005-08-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

hehe..i just blogged last night and i must blog again today, cuz something just amazed me!

I never realised how romantic my bro can be....haha!! Of cuz he's not being romantic to me, but to his special someone....hehe. I read his updated blog, they had a music night in his residence. It's kinda like an ensemble of all varieties of music, classical, pop, various languages...etc. He actually played guitar and sang a david tao's song. The best part was, he dedicated the song to his special someone in front of everyone in rez... (OMG) haha!

Well, hey women, u know how often we talked about liking guys who can be both athletic and musically inclined at the same time. Hey, my bro there ey! hehe..... Imagine a guy playing guitar on stage and dedicating the song to u...he's singing whole heartedly to u...man.....melt......
Anyway, not boasting about my bro, but since he started liking jay chou (under my kind influence), he'd been showing this artistic side of him more and more. Remembered how often my youngest bro and i used to laugh at him at home for imagining himself as a singer. His voice is not the most powerful one, but he inherited my dad's deep voice...hehe. Plus his excellent guitar skills.....i bet his performance on stage must be fabulous that night. I wonder which song he sang tho....hmm...... Talking about athletic, hah.....he's one guy that i know of who can play so many kinda games associated with 'balls'. A volleyball player, handball player for sec school till the basket ball player and soccer player for his rez....hehe....Cool bro, glad that u're not gonna be a boring dentist after all :P hehe.....yea...break down the stereotype of nerdy science students ;)

hah.....do i sound like i'm promoting my bro...nah...he doesn need it... Bing, if u see this, u'll know how proud am i of u.....Well, i was already, right from the beginning, but now with ur romantic confession.......i'm gonna set new standards for my future guy again :P I also want an Aussie accented malaysian dentist who has the athletic flare and the talent of singing and playing guitar for me!

haha....btw, i can't wait to c her soon! my friend said she looked like lee lizhen...hehe...

who's clearing your mess?

2005-08-25T02:30:00.000+08:00

went for a swim with kelly today and had dinner in engin canteen. We were eating and talking happily when we heard a loud crashing sound. Apparently the old uncle tending to the dishes in engin canteen was carrying a tray of stuff up the stairs when he tripped, hurt himself and sent all the dishes crashing all over the place.

Those who frequent engin canteen should know this old uncle. Quite an eccentric old man who talks only hokien and tends to 'chase' u off from the canteen in the evening after ur meals by clearing up the dishes for you. He's kinda cute and funny in his own ways. Somehow, he got this very compassionate friendly look. that's what i always felt.

The incident caused quite a commotion. Kelly and I were seated pretty far away from where he was and there were already a few ppl there helping him up, so we kept seated, knowing that he's in good hands. He's fine. Just a small bruise at the knee. But so what...he's after all an old man. I felt quite disturbed with the incident somehow.

There's this one thing which i noticed since i came to singapore. The uncles and aunties clearing up your table mess and dishes at foodcourts, canteens are all these elderly people who's not any younger, or probably older than my own grandma. When i was in the lab, the cleaning aunty who came to clear the lab thrash and waste was also an aunty who's probably in her 60s or 70s. She's friendly and always asking whether we'd already eaten. When i see her clear the waste in the lab, sometimes i wonder whether she knows the kinda chemical/bio- hazard she's exposed to in the lab. It hurts me to think that they're the ones doin these kinda jobs. Yes, i understand the point that it's a way for the elderly to contribute to the society and all those blah.....but i just somehow can't stand them being the ones helping us to wipe the tables, carry the dishes, mop the floor, clean the toilet. To me, it's like asking my own grandma to help me clear my plates and mop the floor while all the young and energetic ones are dealing with the supposedly 'intellectual' work. Don't ask me who to ask to do such stuff if they werent the ones? I don't have answers to that and i don't mean to say that it's anything 'wrong', socially unethical. And i know it's probably their will and choice to work again at this point of their life. i guess i just dun have the mentality to tolerate this.

To me, whenever i see an elderly person, i'll think of my grandparents. And i tend to compare and put them in the situations that i see. I love my grandparents and i know they're blessed to have taught and raised a wonderful family who made sure they're well provided for in their later parts of lives. So i have this tendency to think that all elderly ppl should be treated the same way too. Therefore, it became exceptionally saddening for me when i see old uncles, old aunties dressed up in uniform and dealing with all these jobs which i define as 'hard work'.

before i left the canteen, i got a strong urge to go over to the uncle and ask him how he's feeling. I didn eventually. He's in good hands, for now. At least his co-workers are tending to him. Kelly was talking about the mess he'd probably have to clear up.....It's depressing to think about it, really. I shudder. My heart wrenched at the thought of it.

an entry dedicated to my jeans

2005-08-25T01:55:00.000+08:00

it'd been long. wonder whether this is my longest record for resisting blogging. Resist...heh...like real.

I have this habit of reading my old entries. In fact i enjoy reading them. When i look back, i realised at different stages, i write differently, i talk about different things. Last semester, i think i write a lot about the laments, the satisfaction i derived from work in school. About how i enjoyed my modules and project.

Actually i wanna talk about school. 3 weeks of school started... besides piling school work, life seemed perfectly normal. But somehow, somewhere, i think a lot of things are brewing within. Kinda long to talk about it and i guess it's probably hard to put it into words. Let's put it this way....there's nothing really 'specific' to talk about, besides routine and normalcy, for now.

I dunno why, but somehow something made me wanna talk about my jeans. Yea...u heard it right....i'm gonna talk about those denim long pants. It's kinda wierd that this thought struck me, but i was thinking back...i think i used to have an entry talking about my fetish for anklets and the story behind my anklets. That was a phase when i was totally crazy about toe rings, anklets, sandals. Come to think of it, now, i dun even wear my toe ring anymore.

Well, that kinda justify this dedication for my jeans, cuz i had a long relationship with em'. Way way way longer than my fetish for toe rings and anklets. I believe i have the strong will to resist temptations of buying stuff when i go shopping, if i want to. But if there's anything which will destruct this will, that will definitely be denim jeans :P Or rather, i shd say, if there's anything which can burn a hole in my pocket, it's jeans for sure. U know how some girls just simply like to buy shoes, or handbags. I just love buying jeans. It gives me the optimal maximum satisfaction ever :P. Few years ago, i used to even lay my newly bought jeans beside my bed and try them on EVERYDAY. It's quite unbelievable, but it's true.

I started buying jeans since i was 13. Past experiences with buying jeans had been bittersweet. There used to be a mentality of prefering quantity more to quality, and it transformed to preferring quality over quantity. I really do think that having a good pair of jeans is important. especially to me who's a lazy dresser. Anything looks good with a pair of durable, tough, suave and cool jeans. I think jeans is an amazing asset to the wardrobe. Same pair of jeans, different tops and accessories, totally different look for different occasions; Different shades of denim, different cutting simply gives a variety of classy, elegant, decent or rugged look.

My jeans philosophy is plain simple: never compromise unless truly satisfied. There used to be times when i buy jeans cuz i find it cheap and upon trying, it looks 'okay'. They usually ended up at the bottom of my cupboard after 1 or 2 wears. Of cuz there're also those which i have to give them up cuz i grew 'out' of them :P Oh yea....not forgetting to mention some which i chuck aside cuz i no longer look good in them. Yea, i gave up the old kind of 'waistline' jeans for the hip hugging, low waist jeans. I don't and will never have the 25 inch kinda waistline, and last time, this sucks cuz the proportion of the hips to waistline for jeans is never right for me. Till somebody brought up the trend of low waist jeans.

Yea, i love them...some rules for my jeans: low waist, hip hugging, and NON stretchable. Oh yea, and no flowers or laces on them. Jeans should be just plain denim, preferably the tough kind. It shd either be cool, classy or rugged. Ah...comfort too. When i look at jeans, i have the tendency to look at the back part of jeans. The most common one i always see, would be the typical levis type back. dunno how to describe, but i'm sure u know it. For one, it must be simple and not too exaggerated. Oh, did i mention that i love red stitches with light shaded denim. I'll show u in a min how it looks like ;) Somehow the back brings out the character and the personality of the jeans. Well, i dunno, but i tell a pair of jeans which i like from one which i dun by the back! hee

Currently, there're only 3 pair of jeans that i wear. And i'm satisfied with them. These 3 pairs, they're...ermm..not very cheap. But they're so far the best choices that i'd ever made with jeans....haha.

My ever comfy levis 577 is an all-weather jeans. Literally. It'd been 2 years since i bought it. It'd travelled the most with me, braved me thru the seasons, rain, shine and snow. Actually mum bought it for me. I went to Aussie with it; during internship in IME, my exchange, my lab...the times when i HAVE to cover up my legs due to reasons......i was wearing it most of the time.....Come to think of it, it has pretty amazing versatility eh. In canada, i braved thru minus 10 degrees celcius with it; back in singapore, i'm still wearing it under 33 degress celcius. The snow stains, mud stains, the slush...it left me remnant of memories. It's one pair which i feel very at ease with. It's kinda stone washed, probably that's y some parts started to shred already. Still love it...but just kinda frustrated sometimes cuz i thought denim's supposed to be really tough :P or did i just outworn it

When i was in canada, i bought a pair of jeans. This was a temptation that could not be resisted. It's my one and only pair of Guess jeans. I had never thought that at my present status, i could ever afford a pair of guess jeans. Com' on....the price in singapore, or in malaysia is crazy beyond me. But GUESS WHAT...haha.....this pair of Guess actually costs me around RM 150, which is like...Sg 70. Canadian 50 dollars.........well, i think it's damn cheap. Till now, i couldnt believe that i got such a good bargain. ANYWAYZ...hehe....talking about that...My Guess's the classy, trendy type. I think it looks exceptionally chic with heels, but well, too bad i don't wear them :P The main attraction was the pockets behind, and also the large stitches. And i gotta mention the big cool Guess buttons. Love the real tough material too. Colour of denim is called 'buddhist wash'. Whatever that is....the colour's dark and cool. It's one of my most precious jeans cuz i might never ever find such a great cutting for this price for now. One thing which is special about the cutting of this pair of jeans, it gives the very lean, smart and slick type of feeling, enhancing the 'slim long legs' effect but yet, comfy at the same time. My policy when i wear them: never wear it for lab, nor muddy slushy areas where i have to drag the ends thru it. Cuz i want it to be the way how it should be :P

the 3rd pair, also the latest pair....i call it torn and tattered. It's one of my gains from the KL trip during the holz. It's from Zara, costs 100 bucks, RM...so around sg 40+. Not exactly cheap, but hey, who cares, i like Zara. I was betting on it when i bought it. Ok zara jeans sizes aren't exactly meant for me. Torn and tattered is nnot as fitting as the other 2 pairs, but it hangs just nice at the waist. Oh, and it has red stitches!! yea, that made it stand out from the rest. Contemplating on buying it cuz i'm worried about the size and compatibility. It's jeans...and it's me. I bought it and i don't regret it. It's called torn and tattered cuz it has a lot of holes, a lot of shredding parts and also the dirty rugged look. My mum doesn know about this pair and i dun think i'll let her know. She'll scream at the thought of Rm100 for a pair of torn jeans. Last time she was already nagging at my choice of some extreme stone washed cases. Man, this one is just classic..... One note here, it's the longest pair of jeans that i'd ever bought. It's so long that i actually have to go alter it.

I'd never blogged about anything as personal as my own clothes before. I wear jeans pretty often, like probably up to 3 or 4 days out of a week.... so initially I was thinking it might be a bit wierd if somebody who reads this come up to me and say...hey...that's ur torn and tattered! Then again....whatever....i love my jeans and i wannna give them credit for weathering me thru various occasions, bad hair days, cold LTs; save me from fashion misfit every morning, labs and cover-legs-up occasions. Yup, i may be the old boring me who wears jeans everyday without all the frills, laces, loud colours or dolly outfits, but that's me. The down-to-earth non exaggerated style when it comes to dressing. It is inherent. I prefer to be noticed in other ways. For all that i know, maybe i do enjoy the thrill and challenge of noticing extraordinary things out of the ordinary. And that's probably what i expect people to realise about me too.

Seriously, i'm a friggin jeans-freak....hehe... and i think this fetish will be lasting for a pretty long while.